This is a follow on from the very good "grey girls" article.
Just out of curosity. Is there a bride price attached to marrying a khmer working girl (as opposed to grey girl)?
I know there is a bride price with good girls, but does the family of a working girl insist on a bride price even though she is "damaged goods"?
If there would not be a bride price if she was marraying a khmer, is one expected if a working girl is marrying a barang?
I have my own thoughts on the matter but I would be interested in hearing any anecdotes from others.
cheers,
LaudJohn
Bride Price for Working Girls
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I think that the answer lies rather close to home. I used to know a guy (a bit of a knob actually) who married a former employee of yours. The dowry was $4k in a large envelope paid to the family before the wedding. I've heard of similar figures being bandied around for other 'greys' or 'good' girls.
As for 'black' girls, well many of them are isolated from or have little contact with their families....expacially if their families are in Vietnam and the 'black' is living in Cambodia illegally and without a passport. My hunch is that their would be no 'dowry' as such but rather a constant drip drip drip of money falling out of your pockets and going to the family in the form of medical bills, loans for the brother who wants a bike so he can be a moto, sickly pigs at the family farm etc etc ad nauseum.
KiR
As for 'black' girls, well many of them are isolated from or have little contact with their families....expacially if their families are in Vietnam and the 'black' is living in Cambodia illegally and without a passport. My hunch is that their would be no 'dowry' as such but rather a constant drip drip drip of money falling out of your pockets and going to the family in the form of medical bills, loans for the brother who wants a bike so he can be a moto, sickly pigs at the family farm etc etc ad nauseum.
KiR
Twitter: Not my circus, not my monkeys - I sold #K440
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I think the whole Cambodian bride price thing is a miss understanding, how it works in most cases good/grey/bad is that the man pays for the wedding expenses and then her family keeps the cash gifts from the wedding, meaning that if she is poor and is married in the province, most people attending will be poor people from the province and the gifts will total maybe $500, on the flip side of the coin, if she is HE cousin the wedding will be in the Cambodiana and the gifts might total $50,000, either way this doesn't come straight out of your pocket.
So there is no need to haggle any prices, also it seems among some Phnom Penh residents this is now just for show and the money is often later given back to the couple, that's what happened with my wedding and with a some of my friends married in Phnom Penh also.
From what I've heard, in Cambodia if a rich Khmer man marries a girl from a poorer family he often gives a large cash gift when they get engaged, but this seems to be more of a face gaining exercise for him than the rule of the land, so often as Barang we are perceived to be much wealthier so some families seem to expect the same even though we aren't Khmer and don't give a shit about 'face' in the Asian sense of the word.
I had a friend whose wife’s provincial family asked him for $3000 before they got married and he explained to them that in our culture this is no good and that he would give them the money as long as they understood that he would then never give them anything ever again. Needless to say the subject wasn't raised again.
So there is no need to haggle any prices, also it seems among some Phnom Penh residents this is now just for show and the money is often later given back to the couple, that's what happened with my wedding and with a some of my friends married in Phnom Penh also.
From what I've heard, in Cambodia if a rich Khmer man marries a girl from a poorer family he often gives a large cash gift when they get engaged, but this seems to be more of a face gaining exercise for him than the rule of the land, so often as Barang we are perceived to be much wealthier so some families seem to expect the same even though we aren't Khmer and don't give a shit about 'face' in the Asian sense of the word.
I had a friend whose wife’s provincial family asked him for $3000 before they got married and he explained to them that in our culture this is no good and that he would give them the money as long as they understood that he would then never give them anything ever again. Needless to say the subject wasn't raised again.
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>I had a friend whose wife’s provincial family asked him for $3000 before >they got married and he explained to them that in our culture this is no >good and that he would give them the money as long as they understood >that he would then never give them anything ever again. Needless to say >the subject wasn't raised again.
Wait, he offered a Khmer family an immediate $3000, conditioned on him never giving them money again, and they turned it down? That shocks me. Are you sure they're Khmer? I've never known a Khmer to turn down immediate money for any reason or to ever consider the future monetary consequences of any action.
Wait, he offered a Khmer family an immediate $3000, conditioned on him never giving them money again, and they turned it down? That shocks me. Are you sure they're Khmer? I've never known a Khmer to turn down immediate money for any reason or to ever consider the future monetary consequences of any action.
The way I read it the family took the money and after that never asked for more.gavinmac wrote:>I had a friend whose wife’s provincial family asked him for $3000 before >they got married and he explained to them that in our culture this is no >good and that he would give them the money as long as they understood >that he would then never give them anything ever again. Needless to say >the subject wasn't raised again.
Wait, he offered a Khmer family an immediate $3000, conditioned on him never giving them money again, and they turned it down? That shocks me. Are you sure they're Khmer? I've never known a Khmer to turn down immediate money for any reason or to ever consider the future monetary consequences of any action.
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Oh, the way I read it was that they dropped the $3000 demand when he threatened to cut off future gravy train payments. Actually, a one time $3000 fee for support of a Khmer bride's family would be a great deal for the prospective husband, instead of being bled for $100-$200 per month for life. But I expect a family who agreed to such a deal might just start asking for more money in a few months anyway.
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