Khmer affection
Great thread, I enjoyed and could relate to most of what was said! With the people I am involved with, I have to say I get plenty of hugs from the little ones to ones older than me and all those in between. But they don't do the same with each other! And yes I coach them to hug each other but witness the same as "proyat" an awkward exchange!
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- vladimir
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I've met students who have studied for 2 or 3 years at a school and don't know their teacher's name, information is not really valued for it's own sake as opposed to some societies
ירי ילדים והפצצת אזרחים דורש אומץ, כמו גם הטרדה מינית של עובדי ההוראה.
When I go away for work I always try to hug the mother-in-law.....but she runs away!
Not so the wife and kids now....but it has taken some time for them to get used to the affection.
I have seen other families beating the kids and wives beating husbands, maids or even visitors.....amazing!
Then a few days later it is all happy families again until the next blowup....
And it has taken a long, long time to get my wife and her family to learn to ask information that westerners take for granted.....name, age, address, how they are related (friend, cousin, aunt, etc) what they do, what they are doing.
My wife was in business with another woman who she did not even know her true name when I met her years ago....crazy.
But that is part of the Cambodian charm........
Not so the wife and kids now....but it has taken some time for them to get used to the affection.
I have seen other families beating the kids and wives beating husbands, maids or even visitors.....amazing!
Then a few days later it is all happy families again until the next blowup....
And it has taken a long, long time to get my wife and her family to learn to ask information that westerners take for granted.....name, age, address, how they are related (friend, cousin, aunt, etc) what they do, what they are doing.
My wife was in business with another woman who she did not even know her true name when I met her years ago....crazy.
But that is part of the Cambodian charm........
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- MerkinMaker
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I often have to double check that this is a forum about Cambodia, as sometimes I get the impression some of the posters are living in a different country to me...?!
I think this mainly comes from the fact that Khmer's lead two lives. There's the one that they lead on the outside which is all about perception and then there's the one that they lead inside the home in front of close family which is all about substance (alcohol in my case . So many posters only ever get to see one set of those lives and base their opinions on those observations alone.
My personal experience is that Khmer's are far more intimate with their family than what is typical in the UK (except Norwich, but that's just taking it too far). Also kids are far more disciplined, when was the last time you saw a Khmer kids laying on the floor in the market kicking and screaming because he couldn't get what he wants? I must see Western kids doing that every other time I go to Lucky's on Sihanouke. Both sets of kids want to do that, but the difference is that little Heng knows he's going to get a chopstick beating when he gets home, whilst Tarquin will get three minutes quiet time in the "reflection corner" and only one scoop of Ben & Jerry's for desert.
I think this mainly comes from the fact that Khmer's lead two lives. There's the one that they lead on the outside which is all about perception and then there's the one that they lead inside the home in front of close family which is all about substance (alcohol in my case . So many posters only ever get to see one set of those lives and base their opinions on those observations alone.
My personal experience is that Khmer's are far more intimate with their family than what is typical in the UK (except Norwich, but that's just taking it too far). Also kids are far more disciplined, when was the last time you saw a Khmer kids laying on the floor in the market kicking and screaming because he couldn't get what he wants? I must see Western kids doing that every other time I go to Lucky's on Sihanouke. Both sets of kids want to do that, but the difference is that little Heng knows he's going to get a chopstick beating when he gets home, whilst Tarquin will get three minutes quiet time in the "reflection corner" and only one scoop of Ben & Jerry's for desert.
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starkmonster wrote: My personal experience is that Khmer's are far more intimate with their family than what is typical in the UK (except Norwich, but that's just taking it too far). Also kids are far more disciplined, when was the last time you saw a Khmer kids laying on the floor in the market kicking and screaming because he couldn't get what he wants? I must see Western kids doing that every other time I go to Lucky's on Sihanouke. Both sets of kids want to do that, but the difference is that little Heng knows he's going to get a chopstick beating when he gets home, whilst Tarquin will get three minutes quiet time in the "reflection corner" and only one scoop of Ben & Jerry's for desert.
For Khmer, it feels awkward to greet family members or friends with a hug or kiss no matter how long time no see. Not sure why, perhaps it's same reason why the foreigners do the opposite. Maybe our nature are just not so emo afterall. But fraid not, I guess the new facebook gens will adopt foreign style sooner rather than later.
Thank Buddha.200riel wrote:..., I guess the new facebook gens will adopt foreign style sooner rather than later.
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Isn't hugging and American thing? On TV they seem to hug every one they meet.
I grew up in a multicultural environment in 1950s Adelaide and I'm buggered if I can ever remember anyone doing much hugging.
I certainly never hugged my father or brother.
Kenny
I grew up in a multicultural environment in 1950s Adelaide and I'm buggered if I can ever remember anyone doing much hugging.
I certainly never hugged my father or brother.
Kenny
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I think it's a frog/wop thing.Goodoldkenny wrote:Isn't hugging and American thing? On TV they seem to hug every one they meet.
Romantic Cambodia is dead and gone. It's with McKinley in the grave.
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Also had my share of issues clearly resulting from non-discipline, among others.
"Daughter" habitually just takes things not belonging to her without asking, causing problems but it's never dealt with firmly. She has her own laptop but likes mine and GF's better. But last week she went too far taking GF's with her to work (we needed it) without telling or asking.
No nice words this time, I demanded she return it immediately, which she did (got someone else to bring it). Now she hates me.
More on no discipline, next day the new tenants moved in upstairs, their 3 kids were dancing on the roof of GF's car... if that was my house and my car I would have thrown out the tenants right there and then.
"Daughter" habitually just takes things not belonging to her without asking, causing problems but it's never dealt with firmly. She has her own laptop but likes mine and GF's better. But last week she went too far taking GF's with her to work (we needed it) without telling or asking.
No nice words this time, I demanded she return it immediately, which she did (got someone else to bring it). Now she hates me.
More on no discipline, next day the new tenants moved in upstairs, their 3 kids were dancing on the roof of GF's car... if that was my house and my car I would have thrown out the tenants right there and then.
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Yup, those Europeans.Lucky Lucan wrote:I think it's a frog/wop thing.Goodoldkenny wrote:Isn't hugging and American thing? On TV they seem to hug every one they meet.
"We, the sons of John Company, have arrived"
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Perhaps the daughter does 'hate' you but it's a temporary thing and at least you have started to show her that there are limits to what is acceptable with her behaviour.Don-Pierre de Plume wrote:Also had my share of issues clearly resulting from non-discipline, among others.
"Daughter" habitually just takes things not belonging to her without asking, causing problems but it's never dealt with firmly. She has her own laptop but likes mine and GF's better. But last week she went too far taking GF's with her to work (we needed it) without telling or asking.
No nice words this time, I demanded she return it immediately, which she did (got someone else to bring it). Now she hates me.
More on no discipline, next day the new tenants moved in upstairs, their 3 kids were dancing on the roof of GF's car... if that was my house and my car I would have thrown out the tenants right there and then.
With the gf's car, why didn't YOU tell the kids to get off the car roof? It's obviously unacceptable behaviour - you're an adult, they are children. You set the limits. Irrelevant that it's not your car. Time to exert some adult authority.
Ha! No u wouldn't...Don-Pierre de Plume wrote:... if that was my house and my car I would have thrown out the tenants right there and then.
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