Wedding guest etiquette
Wedding guest etiquette
So I've been invited to a Khmer wedding, this is not my first but before it was just your standard young couple getting married for the first time and I didn't really know them.
I understand that it is customary to give a certain amount of money to the couple when you attend the wedding when it's a young couple getting married for the first time and just starting out.
This wedding is my landlords (at least 2nd) marriage and they are in their 60's, fairly well off, own property etc. The groom is Cambodian American who has flown over for the wedding.
I will most likely be the only Barang at the wedding and also likely to be the only person who pays them money on a monthly basis.
Firstly what is the ettiquette here? I have been advised that 2nd weddings do not follow this same custom of receiving money. I want to avoid an awkward situation, i.e. a) giving money to my landlord elders inapproriately or b) not giving something when it's expected. I've been in Cambodia to long to play the ignorant Barang card.
What do people think, anyone been in a similar situation?
P.s. This wedding is 6am tmw morning!
I understand that it is customary to give a certain amount of money to the couple when you attend the wedding when it's a young couple getting married for the first time and just starting out.
This wedding is my landlords (at least 2nd) marriage and they are in their 60's, fairly well off, own property etc. The groom is Cambodian American who has flown over for the wedding.
I will most likely be the only Barang at the wedding and also likely to be the only person who pays them money on a monthly basis.
Firstly what is the ettiquette here? I have been advised that 2nd weddings do not follow this same custom of receiving money. I want to avoid an awkward situation, i.e. a) giving money to my landlord elders inapproriately or b) not giving something when it's expected. I've been in Cambodia to long to play the ignorant Barang card.
What do people think, anyone been in a similar situation?
P.s. This wedding is 6am tmw morning!
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6 a.m.? Guests are expected to show up at Khmer weddings at 6 a.m.? Wow, I never knew that. I have a nice streak going of not attending any weddings anywhere for over 15 years now.
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I've never been put in that situation but I'd say show up to the wedding and give some money, at least to cover the cost of the banquet dinner for one. I really don't think that Cambodians will be offended by people who give them money.
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Giving money and then deducting it from your rent is always a touching gesture.
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Lol. That's why the invitation is accompanied by an envelope in which you are supposed to put your contribution.Joon wrote:I've never been put in that situation but I'd say show up to the wedding and give some money, at least to cover the cost of the banquet dinner for one. I really don't think that Cambodians will be offended by people who give them money.
Weddings last something like a day and a half, the second day starts really early, 6 am sounds about right, and ends with a party where everybody gets shitfaced... Never attended the first day though, the second day is full of ceremonies and the bride and groom have to change their clothes about 10 times, I'm not joking. I have been told that in the 'old days' a wedding lasted about 3 days....
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Money in an envelope, greet family at entrance, proceed to eat and get hammered. Easy......
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Last wedding I attended, most people gave 20$ or eq. in riels according to the "contribution book".
Don't worry, some people will give more, some won't. In a country where most people earn around 200$ monthly, it feels like giving 20$ is appropriate. And if they're not satisfied, you can always tell them to lower the rent so that you can spare & give more for the third wedding.
Don't worry, some people will give more, some won't. In a country where most people earn around 200$ monthly, it feels like giving 20$ is appropriate. And if they're not satisfied, you can always tell them to lower the rent so that you can spare & give more for the third wedding.
Why would I care? I'm Khmer
Yup, but usually the name of the guests is on the envelope and they record WHO gave HOW MUCH. It's a way of checking that when the newlyweds or their parents are invited to the guests' weddings or their children's weddings, they will contribute about the same amount.Jaap N. wrote:Lol. That's why the invitation is accompanied by an envelope in which you are supposed to put your contribution.Joon wrote:I've never been put in that situation but I'd say show up to the wedding and give some money, at least to cover the cost of the banquet dinner for one. I really don't think that Cambodians will be offended by people who give them money.
Weddings last something like a day and a half, the second day starts really early, 6 am sounds about right, and ends with a party where everybody gets shitfaced... Never attended the first day though, the second day is full of ceremonies and the bride and groom have to change their clothes about 10 times, I'm not joking. I have been told that in the 'old days' a wedding lasted about 3 days....
In OP's case, though, since the married couple to be is in their old age and the groom is from the USA, I think they won't be too strict on that and wedding gift etiquette.
I'm personally terrible with wedding etiquette. I've been invited by people I barely knew in which cases I would just skip altogether. The only weddings I would go and/or contribute to are family and extended families, former co-workers, current co-workers, professional networks and associates and close neighbors.
Last wedding I went to there were two points at which it was possible to give gifts of money. The envelopes were given to the bride and groom in one of the ceremonial parts, and there seemed to be more envelopes at the dinner later when people gave money to the family (father of the bride?) on the way out as a gift for the meal.
Can't really say how much would be an appropriate amount, I think it may depend on the family. If you know other locals who have been invited, maybe a good idea to consult with them?
Can't really say how much would be an appropriate amount, I think it may depend on the family. If you know other locals who have been invited, maybe a good idea to consult with them?
6 am is for close friends and family - shows that you are regarded highly by your landlord. If you attend this part, there will be a mixed meat Bor-Bor and seasonal fruits and desserts served as a kind of brunch after the ceremonies. This part of the day will be great for photos if you have never attended a Khmer wedding before.
You will also be expected to attend the party in the evening if you can. I would suggest for a Phnom Penh wedding $30 would be more appropriate and is about the standard even amongst the locals. Eat, drink and be happy.
Enjoy!
You will also be expected to attend the party in the evening if you can. I would suggest for a Phnom Penh wedding $30 would be more appropriate and is about the standard even amongst the locals. Eat, drink and be happy.
Enjoy!
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Most of the guests don't do that part, as said it's just close friends and family. A reception in the evening doesn't usually start till 6 pm or so. I managed to get away with attending 2 weddings in my life before I came here, but in the first few years I was here I must have been to 20, thank fuck I don't get invited or attend so many now. I was at one about 3 weeks ago that was good fun, next week I've gotta hit a cousin's one, should be ok too.gavinmac wrote:6 a.m.? Guests are expected to show up at Khmer weddings at 6 a.m.? Wow, I never knew that.
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both days start early...fortunately most of that is for family and close friends...
those envelopes to the bride and groom is supposed to be for their own spending and it's usually the family who contribute...the other envelopes are to cover the costs of the wedding etc...Soren wrote:Last wedding I went to there were two points at which it was possible to give gifts of money. The envelopes were given to the bride and groom in one of the ceremonial parts, and there seemed to be more envelopes at the dinner later when people gave money to the family (father of the bride?) on the way out as a gift for the meal
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Staff: USD 20.00, department heads: USD 40.00 - 50.00. In return they always make sure that there is an eskie with ice-cold Kingdom within reach. Noe of that Black Panther shit for me.
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