How do I break up with my tuk tuk driver?

violet · Post by **violet** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:17 am

Against advice of the wise, I have been using a regular tuk tuk driver.
This has its conveniences:
1. it saves me $10 per week.
2. I can make a quick get away from my work, which is highly valued during rush hour and because there are often no drivers around. Sometimes I only have 90 min break in a 12 hr day*, and don't want to spend half an hour walking home , or 5 min trying to find a tuk tuk.

The negatives are:
1. I now feel like a prisoner being shunted between home and work
2. He knows my business
3. He knows when I am going to be out of town (because I felt I should tell him why I didn't need him for the next week and that his income from me wouldn't be available to him).
4. He asks questions about how much things I buy cost and how much rent I am paying.
5. He knows where I am going to move to (he drove me there). It is in another area and he has already said he can still be my regular driver.
He, or one of the other regulars will be driving me to my new home.

I don't want him as my regular driver.
He has my number. He knows I need a tuk tuk.

How do I break up with him? I could write, how do I flee my captor, because I feel a bit that way too. I have had moments of thinking about writing a sign to hold up to passers-by, saying. HELP. I AM A PRISONER OF THIS PERSON.

Maybe I could just use him from work to home or just two days a week?

Help.

Do I lie and say I am buying a moto? What if he sees me in other tuk tuks?

* 12 hr day x2 means 5 days a week are all mine to play with.

Edwardo · Post by **Edwardo** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:26 am

Tough one. Maybe there is tuk-tuk code of behavior about not taking someone else's regular customer. Could get ugly.

gavinmac · Post by **gavinmac** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:33 am

Maybe do it in baby steps. Start by telling you don't want to do a weekly deal and would prefer to pay trip by trip. What does the weekly rate include? Just home to work and back twice a day or anywhere you want to go at any time?

Maybe keep the weekly deal and start asking him to frequently drive you to far away places until its unprofitable for him and he breaks up with you.

Or just start wearing ear buds getting into and out of tuk tuk so he can't talk to you.

vladimir · Post by **vladimir** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:55 am

Great thread!

violet breaks tuk-tuk's heart

You could do as gavinmac says, start with a baby step, day by day, and also tell him that you'll try and find another client

GMJS-440 · Post by **GMJS-440** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:05 am

He's done nothing wrong and now you want to ditch him due to your own insecurities.

Most of the local tuk tuk drivers already know all about the local expats anyway. What do you expect? They're just laying around all day watching and sleeping.

I suggest resolving your own issues and keeping him.

vladimir · Post by **vladimir** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:16 am

Yeah, nothing intrusive or extraordinary about what he's asking her, right?

He's overstepped the mark and is getting too familiar. She doesn't feel comfortable.

I'm sure she has picked up a vibe, perhaps something she cannot quite explain, and she's not happy with the situation. Happens all the time.

Point is she's made up her mind and is asking for ways out, not ways to maintain the relationship.

If she were writing this after a sexual assault or some drama over payment, somebody would probably tell her she was stupid to have not seen the warning signs.

Nothing unusual about her concerns as a single white female here.

GMJS-440 · Post by **GMJS-440** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:21 am

The questions about how expensive things are? That's common. Welcome to Cambodia, let us give you the tour.

vladimir · Post by **vladimir** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:26 am

The elephant in the room:

Do you sit side-by-side with him, violet?

the_purple_turtle · Post by **the_purple_turtle** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:49 am

Marry a motodop. Or buy a motorbike.

Edit to add that if the negs outweigh the positives, fair enough. But if he is a trustworthy and reliable guy, perhaps that relationship is worth hanging on to.

gavinmac · Post by **gavinmac** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:06 am

If the guy is just too chatty and inquisitive, maybe just ignore the questions, pretend you can't hear, pretend to be on the phone, wear earbuds, etc.

Duncan · Post by **Duncan** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:21 am

Getting a divorce can be a messy and expensive business. Just make sure you keep the house and kids.

violet · Post by **violet** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:48 am

GMJS-440 wrote:He's done nothing wrong and now you want to ditch him due to your own insecurities.

Most of the local tuk tuk drivers already know all about the local expats anyway. What do you expect? They're just laying around all day watching and sleeping.

I suggest resolving your own issues and keeping him.

This actually made me laugh. It is true to a large extent, however Vladimir is right, I am uncomfortable now.
It is a little like being the frog in the slowly heating water, except I have become aware.
He is reliable (sometimes forgets but so do I). He is friendly. I have met his two children and his wife.
I have also seen him drunk on Chinese New Year and saw the change in him.
I see how, because he has good English, (or maybe some reason I don't know), he appears to be top honcho in the neighbourhood. He orders other tuk tuk drivers around.

I would like to use tuk tuk drivers who don't have good English rather than one who is at such an advantage.

He has a more expensive smartphone than I do. He is doing OK.

However, I don't want this anymore. He is 'infiltrating' his way in slowly and my senses have been triggered.
I want to get out now before I am put in uncomfortable situations.
We each have different thresholds.

Gmjs makes a very valid point though....it is 'me' ...whether it is my insecurities or my insight/hunch is unknown.

Negan Jones · Post by **Negan Jones** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:53 am

Buy a bike and cycle.

Edwardo · Post by **Edwardo** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:56 am

F*ck his feelings. It's not a friendship. Go with your instincts.

Londo · Post by **Londo** » Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:08 am

Entirely your prerogative whether to keep him or lose him, and as a woman in Phnom Penh I understand how it might be disconcerting having a tuk tuk driver trying to become too familiar with you. I'm inclined to go with the "wean him off slowly" option.

You could introduce him to Ann Snow, he'll surely never talk to you again.