Wednesday shit joke thread
- Jamie_Lambo
- Internet Addiction: it is real
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- Joined: Thu Feb 27, 2014 3:13 pm
- Location: Pig Penh
why do golfers wear 2 pairs of trousers?
in case they get a hole in one
in case they get a hole in one
Mean Dtuk Mean Trey, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks
- Sidewalker
- 5 minutes to kill
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- Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 1:12 pm
- Location: Sien Reap
Two man at the bar, one tells his wife hit him with a frying pan when she came out the kitchen and asked what can I do about this. The other man: Shorten her chain.
There are people who cannot imagine that there are other ways of life than their own life.
- Sidewalker
- 5 minutes to kill
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- Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2016 1:12 pm
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God saw Eve walking naked out the sea and He thought: Shit, I never get that smell out my fish.
There are people who cannot imagine that there are other ways of life than their own life.
I got banned from B&Q. Some bloke in an orange apron walked up and asked if I wanted decking, so I punched him in the jaw!
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- My Best Friend is my Computer
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- Joined: Fri May 27, 2011 1:51 pm
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR
TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING
TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER
WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE
ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A
VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night...
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
And asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR
TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING
TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER
WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE
ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A
VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night...
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
And asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
A Buddhist monk walks into a pizza restaurant. "What can we make for you?" the waiter asks. "Make me one with everything" the monk replies.
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- I Am Losing It All to the Internet
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- Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 8:05 pm
It's Wednesday again... (in Australia, anyway)
A man went went into sex shop and asked for a sex doll , with so many choices he went for fair skin,red hair and big breasts. The shop keeper then asked do you want a Christian or a Muslim doll. The man was stunned and asked what the difference was. Well the Muslim doll blows itself up.
CHEERS
A man went went into sex shop and asked for a sex doll , with so many choices he went for fair skin,red hair and big breasts. The shop keeper then asked do you want a Christian or a Muslim doll. The man was stunned and asked what the difference was. Well the Muslim doll blows itself up.
CHEERS
- ផោមក្លិនស្អុយ
- Daylight, I need Daylight !?!
- Reactions: 685
- Posts: 4715
- Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 4:42 pm
- ផោមក្លិនស្អុយ
- Daylight, I need Daylight !?!
- Reactions: 685
- Posts: 4715
- Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 4:42 pm
- ផោមក្លិនស្អុយ
- Daylight, I need Daylight !?!
- Reactions: 685
- Posts: 4715
- Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 4:42 pm
A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one.
Yeah, Wednesday.
Cleanliness is next to godliness. Also this is the last time I buy a dictionary from B&M Bargains.
♪♫ If you're into German S&M.....
Clamp your Hans ♪♫
Cleanliness is next to godliness. Also this is the last time I buy a dictionary from B&M Bargains.
♪♫ If you're into German S&M.....
Clamp your Hans ♪♫
Massive stalker
- ផោមក្លិនស្អុយ
- Daylight, I need Daylight !?!
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- Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 4:42 pm
While riding one day, a lone Biker met a Farmer riding a horse with a dog and a sheep alongside.
The biker began a conversation . . . .
Biker: “Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”
Farmer: “Dogs don’t talk.”
Biker: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin’ alright.”
Farmer: Look of shock.
Biker: “Is this your owner?” pointing at the Farmer.
Dog: “Yep.”
Biker: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the river once a week to play.”
Farmer: Look of total disbelief.
Biker: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Farmer: “Horses don’t talk.”
Biker: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Cool.”
Farmer: Extreme look of shock.
Biker: “Is this your owner? ” pointing at the Farmer.
Horse: “Yessiree Bob.”
Biker: “How’s he treating you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.”
Farmer: Total look of utter amazement.
Biker: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Farmer: “The sheep is a liar.”
The biker began a conversation . . . .
Biker: “Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”
Farmer: “Dogs don’t talk.”
Biker: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin’ alright.”
Farmer: Look of shock.
Biker: “Is this your owner?” pointing at the Farmer.
Dog: “Yep.”
Biker: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the river once a week to play.”
Farmer: Look of total disbelief.
Biker: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Farmer: “Horses don’t talk.”
Biker: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Cool.”
Farmer: Extreme look of shock.
Biker: “Is this your owner? ” pointing at the Farmer.
Horse: “Yessiree Bob.”
Biker: “How’s he treating you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.”
Farmer: Total look of utter amazement.
Biker: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Farmer: “The sheep is a liar.”
Massive stalker
- ផោមក្លិនស្អុយ
- Daylight, I need Daylight !?!
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- Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2017 4:42 pm
A bear was taking a dump in the woods one day when he looked down and saw a rabbit also taking a dump.
'Hey rabbit' he says, 'say do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?'
'Not really, Mr Bear' the rabbit replied 'I have excellent hygiene and the crap normally falls off, but when it doesn't a quick rinse and I'm clean again'
'That's wonderful' says the bear as he picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
'Hey rabbit' he says, 'say do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?'
'Not really, Mr Bear' the rabbit replied 'I have excellent hygiene and the crap normally falls off, but when it doesn't a quick rinse and I'm clean again'
'That's wonderful' says the bear as he picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
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