Wednesday shit joke thread
- Jamie_Lambo
- Internet Addiction: it is real
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- Joined: Thu Feb 27, 2014 3:13 pm
- Location: Pig Penh
Mean Dtuk Mean Trey, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks
- batshitcrazyweirdo
- Batshit Crazy Weirdo
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- Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 3:24 pm
- Location: Bat Cave
Only shit joke I know was ... well a joke to me, but not to other newbs entering prison.
Blood on my shank, or shit on my dick, bitch!
Blood on my shank, or shit on my dick, bitch!
I love bitches n gonna fuck Texas and the USA+ right up their god damn ass! Hallelujah!
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- I Am Losing It All to the Internet
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- Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 8:05 pm
This one is probably too clean for this site, so I apologise in advance!
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday
by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.
When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high. “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast.”
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate’, and breakfast
had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them,” she said.
”Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. “We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,” the Manager said.
“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.
“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I
didn’t use it!” and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes’ discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. “But madam, this cheque is for $50.00.”
“That’s correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.
“But I didn’t!” exclaimed the very surprised Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”
Policeman: "Why did you kill your girlfriend?"
Murderer: "Couldn't exactly have sex with her corpse if she was alive, could I?"
Murderer: "Couldn't exactly have sex with her corpse if she was alive, could I?"
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- 440 newbie - handle with care
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- Loogan
- I've got internet at work
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- Location: Woofter-Ville.
I've got another sick one.
Guys girlfriend comes in looking distressed.
"what's wrong sweetie, come sit on my lap"
"some of my friends are saying you are a pedophile" says sweetie
"don't be silly that's not true, but I'm impressed, that's a big word for a nine year old"
Guys girlfriend comes in looking distressed.
"what's wrong sweetie, come sit on my lap"
"some of my friends are saying you are a pedophile" says sweetie
"don't be silly that's not true, but I'm impressed, that's a big word for a nine year old"
We Will Rock You
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- I have some social problems
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I was sleeping before it was cool,
I ate cucumber sandwiches before it was cool
I listened to all the music your dad listens to before it was cool
#hipstertrash
I ate cucumber sandwiches before it was cool
I listened to all the music your dad listens to before it was cool
#hipstertrash
Man calls his wife, tells her he hit the lottery, and to start packing.
wife; should I pack for the mountains, or the beach?
man; I don't give a fuck, just get out.
wife; should I pack for the mountains, or the beach?
man; I don't give a fuck, just get out.
A shroud has no pockets
Teacher:
Little Johnny, give me a sentence with the word contagious included.
Johnny thinks a bit then said:
Our neighbour is painting his house with a two inch paint brush. My dad says it will take the contagious to finish the job.
Little Johnny, give me a sentence with the word contagious included.
Johnny thinks a bit then said:
Our neighbour is painting his house with a two inch paint brush. My dad says it will take the contagious to finish the job.
Man has his dad visit him in Cambodia
"So, dad, do you want to try a brothel?"
"No, son, you know I don't like soup of any kind."
"So, dad, do you want to try a brothel?"
"No, son, you know I don't like soup of any kind."
A shroud has no pockets
What did the Khmer guy say when he got hit by a train?
ឈឺ ឈឺ ...
{Chhu chhu ...}
Been telling Khmers this one since I found out the word for 'hurt'/pain; they all reply that trains don't go "Choo choo", but "Bzzzzzz"
ឈឺ ឈឺ ...
{Chhu chhu ...}
Been telling Khmers this one since I found out the word for 'hurt'/pain; they all reply that trains don't go "Choo choo", but "Bzzzzzz"
Meum est propositum in taberna mori,
ut sint Guinness proxima morientis ori.
tunc cantabunt letius angelorum chori:
"Sit Deus propitius huic potatori."
ut sint Guinness proxima morientis ori.
tunc cantabunt letius angelorum chori:
"Sit Deus propitius huic potatori."
Eddie gets home from school and his mum tells him his teacher phoned her to say Eddie had used the 'c' word at school. It wasn't 'clever' was it, she asks. No he replied sheepishly, it was 'cunt'.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" - KiR
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