SE Asia Barflies
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SE Asia Barflies
You can find me from 4pm every day of the year on the same stool of the same bar always accompanied by a litre of beer (Tiger) in a cool sock, a packet of cigarettes (Marlboro) with lighter (plastic) neatly placed on top them and my smart phone (Oppo) which I look at every 10 minutes or so next to me on the bar. I am the guy in the green shorts, blue polo shirt and flip flops with the paunch and greasy hair. I am usually sweating.
Come and listen to me moan about the locals and how stupid and corrupt they all are in between boasting about my various business ventures in (and out of) town whilst also knocking anyone here with a real job (especially teflers who I absolutely hate) along with dissing the tourists (especially the backpackers who I also hate).
I will also spend many many hours bitching about all my new 'mates' (but only when they aren't here in the bar obviously)along with a bit of name dropping (despite appearances I only mix with successful expats) and of course a ton of gossip about all of them which ranges from the banal like 'I saw Derek the Aussie in K Mart this morning....buying a bottle of fucking rice wine!' to the completely made up 'I saw London Bob's missus with some local lad on her brand new motorbike...that Bill bought for her, the fucking dickhead!' to the vitriolic 'that Sam the kiwi fucks kids....and he smokes yaba' and the completely fabricated 'Scouse Eddie is selling up The Kop Bar because he has aids'.
Also included will be long diatribes about local property and land prices (an obsession of mine), currency exchange rates and where does the best rate (another obsession), my many business ventures in town that I have already started or am about to launch (another obsession, I like to get across very quickly that despite my slovenly appearance I am a talented and incredibly successful entrepreneur), global and local politics (on which I am an expert), global sports events (expert too), bitcoin trading (expert), how to deal with the locals (expert, if you have been here 6 years I have been here 7 years, if you got here in April 2010 I was here in March 2010 etc), why you can't get away with half the stuff you could away with here 15 years ago (even though 15 years ago I actually came here on holiday), reverse racism from the locals (who I have never said a nice word about....ever...I hate them so much), where to go for a long weekend (expert), what neighbouring countries to visit (all of which I have lived in longer than you), which are the best hospitals and dentists (all in Thailand), visa issues, work permits, residents cards, marriage, divorce and any other subject (all of which I am an expert on by the way). I could run the world if given the chance. I know pretty much everybody and everything.
Get to the bar before 10pm as my missus comes to collect me then but I usually have her waiting outside for a good half an hour (I don't drive a motorbike, this is because the locals drive like idiots and they give me road rage! I am an expert driver by the way.) on the brand new motorbike I bought her. (I buy her a new one about once every 8 months). You will never see her face as she will be in a face mask and you will never hear her speak.
My missus is actually 10 years younger than my youngest daughter back home and 30 years younger than me but I don't care - none of my children or my ex wife will give me the time of day. I will tell you all about my disastrous marriage and my ungrateful kids and how hard done by I am at a later date. But that will be on one of the nights I hit the spirits on top of the 8 Tiger's I drain every night of the year. I will come across as very bitter then and perhaps a bit of a failure but don't worry, you will find me back to my normal boastful self the following day.
Hopefully see you soon!
Come and listen to me moan about the locals and how stupid and corrupt they all are in between boasting about my various business ventures in (and out of) town whilst also knocking anyone here with a real job (especially teflers who I absolutely hate) along with dissing the tourists (especially the backpackers who I also hate).
I will also spend many many hours bitching about all my new 'mates' (but only when they aren't here in the bar obviously)along with a bit of name dropping (despite appearances I only mix with successful expats) and of course a ton of gossip about all of them which ranges from the banal like 'I saw Derek the Aussie in K Mart this morning....buying a bottle of fucking rice wine!' to the completely made up 'I saw London Bob's missus with some local lad on her brand new motorbike...that Bill bought for her, the fucking dickhead!' to the vitriolic 'that Sam the kiwi fucks kids....and he smokes yaba' and the completely fabricated 'Scouse Eddie is selling up The Kop Bar because he has aids'.
Also included will be long diatribes about local property and land prices (an obsession of mine), currency exchange rates and where does the best rate (another obsession), my many business ventures in town that I have already started or am about to launch (another obsession, I like to get across very quickly that despite my slovenly appearance I am a talented and incredibly successful entrepreneur), global and local politics (on which I am an expert), global sports events (expert too), bitcoin trading (expert), how to deal with the locals (expert, if you have been here 6 years I have been here 7 years, if you got here in April 2010 I was here in March 2010 etc), why you can't get away with half the stuff you could away with here 15 years ago (even though 15 years ago I actually came here on holiday), reverse racism from the locals (who I have never said a nice word about....ever...I hate them so much), where to go for a long weekend (expert), what neighbouring countries to visit (all of which I have lived in longer than you), which are the best hospitals and dentists (all in Thailand), visa issues, work permits, residents cards, marriage, divorce and any other subject (all of which I am an expert on by the way). I could run the world if given the chance. I know pretty much everybody and everything.
Get to the bar before 10pm as my missus comes to collect me then but I usually have her waiting outside for a good half an hour (I don't drive a motorbike, this is because the locals drive like idiots and they give me road rage! I am an expert driver by the way.) on the brand new motorbike I bought her. (I buy her a new one about once every 8 months). You will never see her face as she will be in a face mask and you will never hear her speak.
My missus is actually 10 years younger than my youngest daughter back home and 30 years younger than me but I don't care - none of my children or my ex wife will give me the time of day. I will tell you all about my disastrous marriage and my ungrateful kids and how hard done by I am at a later date. But that will be on one of the nights I hit the spirits on top of the 8 Tiger's I drain every night of the year. I will come across as very bitter then and perhaps a bit of a failure but don't worry, you will find me back to my normal boastful self the following day.
Hopefully see you soon!
Pass. You are not my type of loser.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" - KiR
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Oh and you will also find me (and many of my 'mates') on Khmer440 between about 10am and 3pm most days. I tend to use Khmer440 when I am not on Facebook, XE Currency Exchange and Expert Bitcoin Trader or when I am not watching Fox News.
So pretty much all of the time.
If you see me out before 4pm and somewhere other than my usual bar stool it means I will be eating breakfast (or lunch) at my local restaurant (breakfast for me is a piece of bread, an egg and a coupe of small Tiger's. Lunch is the same but more Tiger's and litre bottles.) Anyway if you see me DO NOT come over and say hello ffs. I will be extremely unfriendly and I wont remember you as I have a million friends here. I am extremely popular.
However if you do insist on sitting down next to me and you actually manage to humour me pre 4pm I might just invite you to my chicken farm 30km out of town or perhaps one of the many pieces of property I am considering buying. I will also advise you on how to trade Bitcoin.
It may be that we actually become mates and we do a few things with our respective girlfriends. Only before 4pm of course. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gets in the way of me and my bar stool. Don't worry - our friendship won't last.
I guarantee we will fall out after a few weeks of regularly meeting up. This will be because your girlfriend told my girlfriend something that you do that I don't do. This could be anything from the amount of money you give her to the fact you wash up after meals (poofter eh?). Or it could be that you didn't come to meet me for lunch one day and I will act like a dumped lover. Or that I saw you in K Mart and you didn't see me. Or that you are drinking at The Kop Bar with Scouse Eddie who I told you has aids.
I am very jealous and terribly insecure you see - which is why I like to big myself up all the time and slag of everyone else. Probably also why my marriage in my home country ended and why I am an alcoholic. Did I mention that I set up the AA meeting in Snookyville? Back in 2005.
I will tell you all about that.
See you at 4pm.
So pretty much all of the time.
If you see me out before 4pm and somewhere other than my usual bar stool it means I will be eating breakfast (or lunch) at my local restaurant (breakfast for me is a piece of bread, an egg and a coupe of small Tiger's. Lunch is the same but more Tiger's and litre bottles.) Anyway if you see me DO NOT come over and say hello ffs. I will be extremely unfriendly and I wont remember you as I have a million friends here. I am extremely popular.
However if you do insist on sitting down next to me and you actually manage to humour me pre 4pm I might just invite you to my chicken farm 30km out of town or perhaps one of the many pieces of property I am considering buying. I will also advise you on how to trade Bitcoin.
It may be that we actually become mates and we do a few things with our respective girlfriends. Only before 4pm of course. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gets in the way of me and my bar stool. Don't worry - our friendship won't last.
I guarantee we will fall out after a few weeks of regularly meeting up. This will be because your girlfriend told my girlfriend something that you do that I don't do. This could be anything from the amount of money you give her to the fact you wash up after meals (poofter eh?). Or it could be that you didn't come to meet me for lunch one day and I will act like a dumped lover. Or that I saw you in K Mart and you didn't see me. Or that you are drinking at The Kop Bar with Scouse Eddie who I told you has aids.
I am very jealous and terribly insecure you see - which is why I like to big myself up all the time and slag of everyone else. Probably also why my marriage in my home country ended and why I am an alcoholic. Did I mention that I set up the AA meeting in Snookyville? Back in 2005.
I will tell you all about that.
See you at 4pm.
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Hey kinard! You sound just like me! But of course you cant see that can you? Which bar do you sit in 6 hours a day? We could meet up, slag off all the people we mutually know and complain bitterly about the locals. I could also tell you about my many business ventures and tell you how to earn from Bitcoin.
4pm? My place?
See you then pal.
- vladimir
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whom.tonytonytony wrote: ↑Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:11 amwhilst also knocking anyone here with a real job (especially teflers who I absolutely hate) along with dissing the tourists (especially the backpackers who I also hate)
ירי ילדים והפצצת אזרחים דורש אומץ, כמו גם הטרדה מינית של עובדי ההוראה.
- Lucky Lucan
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Tiger comes in liter bottles? Dumb idea if true, it's gonna be luke warm in no time, cool sock or not.
Romantic Cambodia is dead and gone. It's with McKinley in the grave.
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Christ you sound like an English Teacher. Have I told you much I hate teflers? No? Come down to the bar at 4pm and I will tell you.vladimir wrote: ↑Fri Jul 05, 2019 11:01 amwhom.tonytonytony wrote: ↑Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:11 amwhilst also knocking anyone here with a real job (especially teflers who I absolutely hate) along with dissing the tourists (especially the backpackers who I also hate)
Also do you need to know how to successfully trade bitcoin? I will teach you and then, when you are earning from the good old BTC, I will tell everyone that I taught you.
I will end up feeling quite bitter about this for some reason and we will fall out.
Hopefully I will have taken you to my chicken farm 20km out of town by then.
See you at 4pm mate.
- vladimir
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I have a date at 4 pm already, but thanks for the stupendous offer.
I feel truly sorry for the chickens.
Murder most fowl.
I feel truly sorry for the chickens.
Murder most fowl.
ירי ילדים והפצצת אזרחים דורש אומץ, כמו גם הטרדה מינית של עובדי ההוראה.
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Come down to the bar at 4pm if you fancy Tiger in litre bottles. You see I drink in the only bar that has them. Also serves low fat Corona. As stated I always do everything in the best place.
When you start drinking Tiger L bottles (or low fat Corona) I will tell everyone that I introduced you to them. I will end up feeling really bitter about it for some reason. Hopefully I will have shown you my chicken farm by then.
Oh - what did you guys do today?
I like to have a job to do each day. Keeps me busy; 'my daily mission' which I usually talk about in the bar. Today my mission was go for a haircut. I have just got back home. My barber is not only the best in town but also the cheapest.
How much do you pay for a haircut? I guarantee you I pay less and get a better haircut too.
If you come down to the bar today I will tell you where I go. You will start using my barber and we will end up falling out over it. But hopefully you will have seen my chicken farm by then.
See you at 4pm.
When you start drinking Tiger L bottles (or low fat Corona) I will tell everyone that I introduced you to them. I will end up feeling really bitter about it for some reason. Hopefully I will have shown you my chicken farm by then.
Oh - what did you guys do today?
I like to have a job to do each day. Keeps me busy; 'my daily mission' which I usually talk about in the bar. Today my mission was go for a haircut. I have just got back home. My barber is not only the best in town but also the cheapest.
How much do you pay for a haircut? I guarantee you I pay less and get a better haircut too.
If you come down to the bar today I will tell you where I go. You will start using my barber and we will end up falling out over it. But hopefully you will have seen my chicken farm by then.
See you at 4pm.
Last edited by tonytonytony on Fri Jul 05, 2019 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Come down to the bar at 4pm if you fancy Tiger in litre bottles. You see I drink in the only bar that has them. Also serves low fat Corona. No one else has them. As stated I always do everything in the best place.
When you start drinking Tiger L bottles (or low fat Corona) I will tell everyone that I introduced you to them. I will end up feeling really bitter about it for some reason. Hopefully I will have shown you my chicken farm by then.
Oh - what did you guys do today?
I like to have a job to do each day. Keeps me busy; 'my daily mission' which I usually talk about in the bar. Today my mission was go for a haircut. I have just got back home. My barber is not only the best in town but also the cheapest.
How much do you pay for a haircut? I guarantee you I pay less and get a better haircut too.
If you come down to the bar today I will tell you where I go. You will start using my barber and we will end up falling out over it. But hopefully you will have seen my chicken farm by then.
See you at 4pm.
When you start drinking Tiger L bottles (or low fat Corona) I will tell everyone that I introduced you to them. I will end up feeling really bitter about it for some reason. Hopefully I will have shown you my chicken farm by then.
Oh - what did you guys do today?
I like to have a job to do each day. Keeps me busy; 'my daily mission' which I usually talk about in the bar. Today my mission was go for a haircut. I have just got back home. My barber is not only the best in town but also the cheapest.
How much do you pay for a haircut? I guarantee you I pay less and get a better haircut too.
If you come down to the bar today I will tell you where I go. You will start using my barber and we will end up falling out over it. But hopefully you will have seen my chicken farm by then.
See you at 4pm.
Last edited by tonytonytony on Fri Jul 05, 2019 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Where do you drink at 4pm then? I will be on my stool until 10pm if you want to swing by. Any time. I can show you the ropes. We can be friends until we fall out.
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They do in my local bar. In fact I was the one who introduced the owner to the distributor of them. You see what ever you do I also do, but I do it better.
Come down to the bar today at 4pm and I will teach you how to sell BTC.
You might start drinking L bottles of Tiger too. I will tell everyone I introduced you to them. I will end up feeling unappreciated and we will most likely fall out. Hopefully you will have seen my chicken farm by then.
Did I tell you I had a haircut today? My barber is the best in town. Been going to him for years. Longer than you.
See you at 4pm mate.
Yes, we do see and it's ok to be an insecure retard, as long as you don't make your particular problem my problem.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" - KiR
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