Do bargirls often reinvent themselves?

[andyinasia]

Yes, absolutely they reinvent themselves; it's a very common phenomenon. As for their names, it's very common that they adopt a 'bar' name on entering the industry, thus in many cases when you get to know bargirls you don't know their real name. The name you encounter them by much later might actually be their real name.

Now, there are two kinds of reinvented bargirls. One kind is the one who is genuinely trying to leave her shady past behind, 'catch' a decent fella and make a respectable life for herself. Along with others above, I say, 'Good luck to her'. From the 'decent fella's' side, well he might find himself unwittingly hitched to a virgin who's been ridden by half the expat community, but maybe that's his fault for not doing due diligence. On the other hand, he may know and not care/find it acceptable. I know of a good few such relationships that as far as I know are working well.

There is another kind, however. The one who on the surface reinvents herself to ensnare an idiot suiter, but beneath the surface is as manipulative, poisonous and unfaithful as ever. I'm thinking of one drug-using gold-digger with over a decade of destroying relationships behind her who made the smart move of leaving the employment of notorious hostess bars to work for a month in a 'respectable' popular bar with the intention of seducing some rich muppet who'd just parachuted into town. She succeeded, she destroyed another relationship, destroyed his career and has every intention of screwing with handsome Khmer boyfriends behind the cuckholded idiot's back. I have no sympathy for the bloke who was stubbornly and wilfully ignorant when presented with all the evidence that she had no intention of leaving her past behind.

[gavinmac]

I'm thinking of one drug-using gold-digger with over a decade of destroying relationships behind her who made the smart move of leaving the employment of notorious hostess bars to work for a month in a 'respectable' popular bar with the intention of seducing some rich muppet who'd just parachuted into town.

It really is a genius move. I'm not sure how a guy would do "due diligence" when meeting a girl in a respectable place to determine if she's an ex-hooker. I guess you could ask her for a list of everywhere she has worked and how she has occupied her time since age 18 and see what her answer is.

"How old are you?"
"22"
"How long have you worked here at this perfectly respectable establishment?"
"One year."
"What did you do before that?"
"Go to school, then stay home, have problem with my stomach, help my mother in the market."

That's really hard to disprove. Of course, if the rich muppet is totally new in town, she could just tell him that she's been working at the respectable bar for the whole four years. Kind of the opposite of how all hostesses claim that they've only been in a hostess bar for 3-6 months.

[Nasty Canasta]

I'm thinking of one drug-using gold-digger with over a decade of destroying relationships behind her who made the smart move of leaving the employment of notorious hostess bars to work for a month in a 'respectable' popular bar with the intention of seducing some rich muppet who'd just parachuted into town.

It really is a genius move. I'm not sure how a guy would do "due diligence" when meeting a girl in a respectable place to determine if she's an ex-hooker. I guess you could ask her for a list of everywhere she has worked and how she has occupied her time since age 18 and see what her answer is.

"How old are you?"
"22"
"How long have you worked here at this perfectly respectable establishment?"
"One year."
"What did you do before that?"
"Go to school, then stay home, have problem with my stomach, help my mother in the market."

That's really hard to disprove. Of course, if the rich muppet is totally new in town, she could just tell him that she's been working at the respectable bar for the whole four years. Kind of the opposite of how all hostesses claim that they've only been in a hostess bar for 3-6 months.

I will hear thee more of this...

[andyinasia]

Gav, you're the king of due diligence. You don't ask the girl; you put on the gumshoes and do the background checks. In other words, check her Facebook page, scrutinising the photos for familiar faces, which is where you began the post.

[gavinmac]

Gav, you're the king of due diligence. You don't ask the girl; you put on the gumshoes and do the background checks. In other words, check her Facebook page, scrutinising the photos for familiar faces, which is where you began the post.

I think due diligence starts by checking how expensive her phone is. Then when she's not around you ask her friends/co-workers innocent questions like "how long has she worked here."

[andyinasia]

Gav, you're the king of due diligence. You don't ask the girl; you put on the gumshoes and do the background checks. In other words, check her Facebook page, scrutinising the photos for familiar faces, which is where you began the post.

I think due diligence starts by checking how expensive her phone is. Then when she's not around you ask her friends/co-workers innocent questions like "how long has she worked here."

In the case I refer to, her co-workers were terrified of her. The idiot who fell for her had been a frequent diner there from just after she started; the staff knew and liked him but were not willing to put their lives on the line when intimidated by a vicious and determined yabbahead. He instantly dismissed any fella who tried to tell him he knew her/of her by assuming all barang are jealous mongers. Anyway, in your OP you were talking about girls who had got out of the bar business altogether - you need to dig deeper to uncover their pasts.

[Falcon Randwick]

I don't know Mr Gavinmac, He seems to have a good reputation on this forum. No doubt he just went to Rose's Bar to observe the local color. If he did take part in of any extra festivities these bars offer I see him no differently than a bar girl.

Perhaps Gavinmac secretly wants to be a bargirl! Jokes aside, willie makes a good point. Why does Gavinmac visit Cambodia so often?

GM also visits Lagos and Bogota and other savoury places. He just happens to enjoy Cambodia for the pagodas and shit...

[youngwill100]

Having spent the last two months in Phnom Penh frequently visiting a number of bars (and not for the sole purpose of observing the local colour), and talking to dozens of bargirls, I have learnt a bit (and only a bit I hasten to add) about them. Knowledge that I'm sure many of the posters on K440 who have lived here for many years are well aware of.

From my marketing background I learnt early on when trying to 'segment' or categorise a given group of people for the purposes of selling them stuff they may or may not need, that people often don't clearly fall into one category or another.

And this is the case with the bargirl population. The need or desire for money is obviously what drives the women to work in bars, but to say there are two (or however many) types of bargirls in terms of motivation is simplifying the reality.

I think this is epecially so in Cambodia where the bargirl culture is more conservative than Thailand. I'd estimate for example that (depending on the specific bar) about 10-25% of the women don't go out with customers for sex.

Some work as bar cashiers earning money to study English at college, some are 'eye candy' virgins just in the bar to max out on ladydrinks from the punters, others are happily married with children, and some are in their thirties or even forties doing the drink mixing or giving back massages for tips.

Most of the women want the money for supporting their family and a few actually manage to hoard away enough to leave the bars and yes, start a 're-invented' life.

I've met three ex-bargirls now running their own beauty business, another renting out her apartments that she saved up to buy, one with a small but growing (excuse the pun) rubber plantation and another who is still a bargirl but has bought a few hectares of rice fields.

So to assume that all women with a bargirl background are morally corrupt 'sluts' with no redeeming qualities is wrong. I'd agree with the posters who say these women have a right to 're-invent themselves'. Everyone has this right to try and improve their life and the bargirls are no different. Some may have devious motivations for doing so, but many are just trying to survive and ultimately flourish like the rest of us.

[badboybubby]

Gav, you're the king of due diligence. You don't ask the girl; you put on the gumshoes and do the background checks. In other words, check her Facebook page, scrutinising the photos for familiar faces, which is where you began the post.

I think due diligence starts by checking how expensive her phone is. Then when she's not around you ask her friends/co-workers innocent questions like "how long has she worked here."

it's not easy to maintain a charade...not long term anyway...

you only need to have half a brain to pick up on incongruencies...and they will present themselves...

the problem is as andy alluded i think not enough people either care, invest enough time or pay attention...

[matty]

I think "reinventing yourself" is fine if we're talking about starting a fresh career and not talking much about the past, but if the relationship ever matures, the conversaion will need to be had. I personally wouldn't be bothered too much about it. I imagine more than a few women in their late 20s, who speak a bit of English and work in restaurants or (non-hostess) bars, probably have backgrounds in the hostess bar scene. Still, I would like to know.

[Modest Mouse]

I worry about this with my "girlfriend" not that I particularly care if she has had a shady past just the lying.

[scoffer]

I think "reinventing yourself" is fine if we're talking about starting a fresh career and not talking much about the past, but if the relationship ever matures, the conversation, on will need to be had. I personally wouldn't be bothered too much about it. I imagine more than a few women in their late 20s, who speak a bit of English and work in restaurants or (non-hostess) bars, probably have backgrounds in the hostess bar scene. Still, I would like to know.

I have no issue at all with them choosing a different life style.
I would never embarrass a lass that had decided to get out of the game. There must be a point in time when enough is enough.

However if we cut to the chase, some of these lassies don't want to give up the $$$
To those ladies, well all I can say is your life might be a bit bumpy.

Others who have taken the opportunity to earn good money in their prime earning days - are not all that different from us.
They take the opportunity, put some cash in the bank and move on. Good luck to them and I wish them success and happiness.

Bottom line for me is this...,
I don't care about your past, I was not there, it would be wrong for me to pass any form of judgement.

However from today onward it is different and if you treat me as a person - all is OK
If you treat me as an ATM - goodby.

[cambod]

Yeah, they definitely "reinvent" themselves all the time....and back again...and back...

Some play multiple games at the same time, so no real need to reinvent themselves.

They also lie about everything from their names to their birthdates, up or down. (And in case u didn't know, their name is written in English on their ID cards, so u can see which name u are getting.)

I'm also surprised by how many bad girls use their real name. Seems they start of using it because they never read the "ho manuel" about it might be a good idea to use a different name when hookering. It seems most the girls that reinvent themselves only realize the importance of using a different name once it's too late. So, they use their real name when they're at their worse, then use a fake name when they decide to pull off being a good girl (facebook can back me up on that theory, if u haven't already noticed). So, if u meet a seemingly decent chick that is using a nickname, u can assume she is already to stage 2, lol...

Some work at a hostess bar, and when they get bar fined and venture to their spot of choice to pick up a man that DIDN'T find them in a hostess bar. Most can be very convincing in the short term, but I (personally) find it very obvious in the long run.

Someone above mentioned stories not lining up, which u would think is obvious to most, but if they're not looking, they might never notice.

And speaking of online whoring, I'm also surprised by how many of the barfinable girls are hunting online in their downtime. I've never meet one that is obviously looking for direct money online, as they seem to be looking for a bf or husband. I'm constantly seeing these girls online and then seeing them out. They are usually pretty embarrassed (acting) about it, but I'm sure it's happened a thousand times with them...

I like how people always mention the phones they have. That is usually red flag #1. People don't often realize just how much money these girls make. I'm sure most make as much (if not more) as ur "average" English teacher here. Do the math. So, if u find a working girl that is willing to stay with u and stop her activities, she probably really likes u because she is forfeiting a lot of $$$$ that her family is depending on to be with u. And if u are giving her the BIG financial support she is now missing, u're probably a sucker! ;-D

P.s. I'm speaking of Badoo specifically when I talk about online whoring.

P.p.s. The ONLY use I have EVER found for learning to read the Khmer digits is being able to read birthdates on IDs...

P.p p.s. I've been fooled many times, so not saying anyone who falls for these tricks are idiots... I've just never been fooled for very long, and it's almost always AFTER I ignored some obvious red flags earlier on...

[scoffer]

Cambod,
Thats a pretty good comment, no preaching - just a simple statement.
Having had a drink, got drunk, got fall on face drunk and then drunk some more in several places all I can say is that you are pretty much on the money.

Some of the girls resurface at places that don't sell sex,
They are not happy about their past life,
They don't want to be reminded about it

I wish them luck in sorting out their life.

[rascal]

Plenty of Aussie ladies do it. Why not Khmers.
Good luck to her.