The one liners thread
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Travelling salesman's car breaks down and he walks to a farmhouse where the owner says sure you can stay the night but you'll have to sleep in the barn with my two sons and the salesman says whoa hang on I think I'm in the wrong joke.
Apologies but it's a thread for one-liners.
Apologies but it's a thread for one-liners.
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- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
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Just finished watching the British sitcom 'Outnumbered'. Line in the penultimate episode went like this. 9 year old girl wants to go to Catholic school because her friend attends ...
Mother: "But you don't believe in God."
Kid: "Well he kept annoying me."
Mother: "But you don't believe in God."
Kid: "Well he kept annoying me."
I came, I argued, I'm out
Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everybody can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
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BBC News: "U.S. sets goal to tame Alzheimers"
I bet everyone forgets about this in a week
and ....
I was recently diagnosed with kleptomania. But I am taking something for it.
I bet everyone forgets about this in a week
and ....
I was recently diagnosed with kleptomania. But I am taking something for it.
I came, I argued, I'm out
"If Everton were playing at the bottom of the garden, I'd pull the curtains." Bill Shankly
On awaiting Everton's arrival for a derby game at Anfield, Bill Shankly gave a box of toilet rolls to the doorman and said: "Give them these when they arrive – they'll need them!"
Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
"A lot of teams beat us, do a lap of honour and don't stop running. They live too long on one good result.
I remember Jimmy Adamson crowing after Burnley had beaten us once, that his players were in a different league. At the end of the season they were."
On awaiting Everton's arrival for a derby game at Anfield, Bill Shankly gave a box of toilet rolls to the doorman and said: "Give them these when they arrive – they'll need them!"
Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
"A lot of teams beat us, do a lap of honour and don't stop running. They live too long on one good result.
I remember Jimmy Adamson crowing after Burnley had beaten us once, that his players were in a different league. At the end of the season they were."
I love that one.mezmo wrote:Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
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- Posts: 22651
- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:31 pm
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Should a Transformer take out car insurance, or life insurance?
I came, I argued, I'm out
For football fans ...
Apparently Harry [Redknapp] is getting £3million in compensation after being sacked by Spurs. Which means that after tax he'll take home £3million
Apparently Harry [Redknapp] is getting £3million in compensation after being sacked by Spurs. Which means that after tax he'll take home £3million
Meum est propositum in taberna mori,
ut sint Guinness proxima morientis ori.
tunc cantabunt letius angelorum chori:
"Sit Deus propitius huic potatori."
ut sint Guinness proxima morientis ori.
tunc cantabunt letius angelorum chori:
"Sit Deus propitius huic potatori."
Sitting at a table in the pub I said, 'I love you.' She said that's the beer talking. I said no it isn't. It's me talking to the beer. Go get me another one.
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