The one liners thread
- Falcon Randwick
- Damn, I just saw my Internet Bill !
- Reactions: 3
- Posts: 4381
- Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:55 pm
I Was banging this woman on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.
Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.
Like Potato Stars on facebook. We're likable...
https://www.facebook.com/potstars1
...and make your ears hate you by listening to us here
https://soundcloud.com/falcon-randwick
https://www.facebook.com/potstars1
...and make your ears hate you by listening to us here
https://soundcloud.com/falcon-randwick
- Falcon Randwick
- Damn, I just saw my Internet Bill !
- Reactions: 3
- Posts: 4381
- Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:55 pm
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?
Like Potato Stars on facebook. We're likable...
https://www.facebook.com/potstars1
...and make your ears hate you by listening to us here
https://soundcloud.com/falcon-randwick
https://www.facebook.com/potstars1
...and make your ears hate you by listening to us here
https://soundcloud.com/falcon-randwick
- Falcon Randwick
- Damn, I just saw my Internet Bill !
- Reactions: 3
- Posts: 4381
- Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:55 pm
Capitalisation is important. It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse...
Like Potato Stars on facebook. We're likable...
https://www.facebook.com/potstars1
...and make your ears hate you by listening to us here
https://soundcloud.com/falcon-randwick
https://www.facebook.com/potstars1
...and make your ears hate you by listening to us here
https://soundcloud.com/falcon-randwick
- Playboy
- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
- Reactions: 288
- Posts: 24827
- Joined: Fri Dec 12, 2003 6:30 pm
- Location: Hotel K: Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
- Contact:
Cambod vs OrangeDragon
During an international gynaecology conference, Cambod the gynaecologist and OrangeDragon the gynaecologist are discussing various cases that they have treated.
Cambod Gynaecologist : "Only last week, there was a woman who came to see me, and her clitoris, it was like a melon."
OrangeDragon Gynaecologist : "Do not be silly, it could not have been that big, my good man, she would not have been able to walk if it was."
Cambod Gynaecologist : "Aaah, you Dragon, there you go again, always talking about the size; I was talking about the flavour..."
During an international gynaecology conference, Cambod the gynaecologist and OrangeDragon the gynaecologist are discussing various cases that they have treated.
Cambod Gynaecologist : "Only last week, there was a woman who came to see me, and her clitoris, it was like a melon."
OrangeDragon Gynaecologist : "Do not be silly, it could not have been that big, my good man, she would not have been able to walk if it was."
Cambod Gynaecologist : "Aaah, you Dragon, there you go again, always talking about the size; I was talking about the flavour..."
"We, the sons of John Company, have arrived"
cambod wrote:Tru story.
But in the version I was told you said it looked like chocolate, tasted like shit and was a bit lumpy. ???
I refuse to go out with nothing more than a whimper followed by a small farting sound and a shit stain on my bed sheets..
Just thought I'd share that with you.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
The real fucked up part is that I'm only a dental assistant..scoffer wrote:cambod wrote:Tru story.
But in the version I was told you said it looked like chocolate, tasted like shit and was a bit lumpy. ???
- vladimir
- Feminist Watch List
- Reactions: 4
- Posts: 34235
- Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2004 7:43 am
- Location: mod edit
Some good new ones
----- Paraprosdokian
A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; such as:
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Here are some more to enjoy
01. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
02. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
03. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
04. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
05. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
06. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
07. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
08. Evening news is where they begin with "Good Evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
09. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay-cheques.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, In case of emergency, notify: I put DOCTOR.
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
31. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
33. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
----- Paraprosdokian
A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; such as:
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Here are some more to enjoy
01. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
02. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
03. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
04. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
05. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
06. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
07. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
08. Evening news is where they begin with "Good Evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
09. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay-cheques.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, In case of emergency, notify: I put DOCTOR.
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
31. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
33. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
ירי ילדים והפצצת אזרחים דורש אומץ, כמו גם הטרדה מינית של עובדי ההוראה.
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- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
- Reactions: 2
- Posts: 22651
- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:31 pm
- Location: Space, maaaan
Well if you like your puns, here one's for the footy fans re. last night's transfer deadline:
LIVERPOOL SIGN BENT
LIVERPOOL SIGN BENT
I came, I argued, I'm out
- the_purple_turtle
- 2000+ Posts! Aghh I Have No Mates
- Reactions: 4
- Posts: 2136
- Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 9:26 pm
After the Tesco horse meat in Burgers scandal...
I popped into my local Tesco for a takeaway burger.
The girl asked, "Do you want anything on it?"
So I said, "Ok, why not. 5 quid each way!"
Tesco are offering double Clubcard points on petrol and burgers. The promotion is called, 'Only fuel and horses.'
I popped into my local Tesco for a takeaway burger.
The girl asked, "Do you want anything on it?"
So I said, "Ok, why not. 5 quid each way!"
Tesco are offering double Clubcard points on petrol and burgers. The promotion is called, 'Only fuel and horses.'
It's the Tesco quarter pandas I'm more worried about.
I just knew I'd get kicked out of the Optimists Society.
Jeremy Beadle used to be a secretary. Very good at shorthand apparently.
I just knew I'd get kicked out of the Optimists Society.
Jeremy Beadle used to be a secretary. Very good at shorthand apparently.
"You can't dust for vomit"
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