No, but I have a fucking hammer....*splat*Falcon Randwick wrote:A duck goes into Felgerkarb's bar...
Duck: Got any bread?
Felgerkarb: No.
Duck: Got any bread?
Felgerkarb: No, and if you ask me if I've got any bread again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar.
Duck: Got any nails?
Felgerkarb: Erm... no.
Duck: Got any bread?
The one liners thread
- Felgerkarb
- Sir Felgerkarb, Kt Pb
- Reactions: 240
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- Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:22 am
- Location: Castle Felgerkarb, Felgerkarbia (Formerly Preah Vihear)
- Contact:
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Why are the gods such vicious cunts?
Where is the god of tits and wine?
Why are the gods such vicious cunts?
Where is the god of tits and wine?
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker…….. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker…….. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
"I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl who'd be very mad if she heard me say that."
- Captain Bonez
- Fluffy Bunny
- Reactions: 38
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- Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:14 pm
- Location: Where the unstoppable force meets the immovable object
the_purple_turtle wrote:My mate Paddy just called to say that he ransacked an Argos store last night during the riots...he has 500 Argos catalogues if anybody wants one..
the_purple_turtle wrote:The Met will be using water cannons in London tonight, with the addition of a little Persil to stop the colours running!
me and my buddy watched 5 movies last night back to back, im glad i was the one facing the TV
- connecticuter
- I need professional help
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- Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 6:23 pm
- Location: Phnom Penh
“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.”
Woody Allen
“I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.”
Woody Allen
“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
Woody Allen
“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”
Woody Allen
“Those who can't do teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym.”
Woody Allen
Woody Allen
“I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.”
Woody Allen
“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
Woody Allen
“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”
Woody Allen
“Those who can't do teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym.”
Woody Allen
That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.
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- I live above an internet cafe
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- Joined: Thu May 26, 2011 11:39 am
"and then God created the orgasm,
so that women can moan even when they are happy."
so that women can moan even when they are happy."
- connecticuter
- I need professional help
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- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 6:23 pm
- Location: Phnom Penh
Heres a treasure trove
THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
by AMBROSE BIERCE
http://xroads.virginia.edu/~Hyper/Bierc ... e.html#top
THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
by AMBROSE BIERCE
http://xroads.virginia.edu/~Hyper/Bierc ... e.html#top
That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.
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- Bark plop plop bark woof woof
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- Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 4:13 pm
Norman Gunston interviewing Keith Richards:
Gunston - 'you've had some trouble with drugs?'
Richards - 'not with drugs, with policemen!'
Gunston - 'you've had some trouble with drugs?'
Richards - 'not with drugs, with policemen!'
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- Requiescat In Pace
- Reactions: 2
- Posts: 13463
- Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2003 11:32 am
A man telephones his manager at work in the morning. ‘Sorry, Boss, but I can’t come in to work today, I’m really sick.’
''What!'' yells the boss, ''That’s the fourth time this month! Just how sick are you?''
''I’m in bed with my sister.''
''What!'' yells the boss, ''That’s the fourth time this month! Just how sick are you?''
''I’m in bed with my sister.''
Twitter: Not my circus, not my monkeys - I sold #K440
Excellent!connecticuter wrote:Heres a treasure trove
THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
by AMBROSE BIERCE
http://xroads.virginia.edu/~Hyper/Bierc ... e.html#top
Thanks for that.
ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
EXPERIENCE, n. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
INSURANCE, n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
TELEPHONE, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
- vladimir
- Feminist Watch List
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- Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2004 7:43 am
- Location: mod edit
It's more than 1 line, sorry:
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
ירי ילדים והפצצת אזרחים דורש אומץ, כמו גם הטרדה מינית של עובדי ההוראה.
Ken Svey is Jewish? Who would have thought...vladimir wrote:It's more than 1 line, sorry:
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
Only when he's excited.cambod wrote:Ken Svey is Jewish? Who would have thought...vladimir wrote:It's more than 1 line, sorry:
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
I refuse to go out with nothing more than a whimper followed by a small farting sound and a shit stain on my bed sheets..
Just thought I'd share that with you.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
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