The one liners thread

Believe it or not, there is a whole other world outside of Cambodia and South East Asia, be it people or politics, frustrations or football, this is the place to talk about it.

Re: The one liners thread

Postby Birdy » Sat Feb 18, 2012 12:56 pm

If all Brides are beautiful where the fuck do ugly wife's come from.

I started life with nothing and I still got most of it left.
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby Captain Bonez » Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:46 pm

having sex with retarded midgets, its not big and its not clever.

rape is no laughing matter, unless youre raping a clown.
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby Birdy » Sun Feb 19, 2012 7:09 pm

My Marxist Feminist Dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.

Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby the_purple_turtle » Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:05 am

Captain Bonez wrote:having sex with retarded midgets, its not big and its not clever.

rape is no laughing matter, unless youre raping a clown.


statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape?
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby Nonperson » Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:40 am

If you can't live without me, why weren't you dead when I met you?
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby kampucheer » Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:21 pm

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore that standing in a garage makes you a car.



kampucheer :barf:
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Mark Twain
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby franzjaeger » Sun Apr 29, 2012 3:21 pm

Image
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby Nonperson » Sun May 06, 2012 12:48 am

Travelling salesman's car breaks down and he walks to a farmhouse where the owner says sure you can stay the night but you'll have to sleep in the barn with my two sons and the salesman says whoa hang on I think I'm in the wrong joke.

Apologies but it's a thread for one-liners.
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby vladimir » Sun May 06, 2012 2:55 pm

ne 'er the twain shall meet?
Do as we say, don't do as we do!
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby mrfusion » Sun May 13, 2012 6:49 pm

I intend to live for ever, so far so good. Steven Wright.
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby andyinasia » Sun May 13, 2012 8:04 pm

Just finished watching the British sitcom 'Outnumbered'. Line in the penultimate episode went like this. 9 year old girl wants to go to Catholic school because her friend attends ...

Mother: "But you don't believe in God."

Kid: "Well he kept annoying me."
Ain't nobody got time for that!
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby Ignatious » Mon May 14, 2012 8:59 am

Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everybody can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby andyinasia » Wed May 16, 2012 3:45 pm

BBC News: "U.S. sets goal to tame Alzheimers"

I bet everyone forgets about this in a week




and ....

I was recently diagnosed with kleptomania. But I am taking something for it.
Ain't nobody got time for that!
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby mezmo » Mon May 28, 2012 12:24 pm

"If Everton were playing at the bottom of the garden, I'd pull the curtains." Bill Shankly

On awaiting Everton's arrival for a derby game at Anfield, Bill Shankly gave a box of toilet rolls to the doorman and said: "Give them these when they arrive – they'll need them!"


Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."

"A lot of teams beat us, do a lap of honour and don't stop running. They live too long on one good result.
I remember Jimmy Adamson crowing after Burnley had beaten us once, that his players were in a different league. At the end of the season they were."
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Re: The one liners thread

Postby mookuy » Mon May 28, 2012 8:27 pm

mezmo wrote:Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."


I love that one.
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