Post
by Iubit » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:31 pm
Listen guys, you can call me all the bad names you want, and give me any label you like; I probably deserve a lot of them. I haven't played the game of life as intelligently as I ought to have recently, and have caused a lot of problems for myself and others. But please don't attack her, just because you think you can get at me, and hurt me, by doing so. For sure you will succeed. If you want to stick the knife into Iubit and then twist it, the way to do so is by insulting her. But it's not fair, and she doesn't deserve it. She's been through hell in her short life, and has only ever considered the feelings of others, and their expectations of her; never her own needs or welfare. She's the most self-sacrificing person I've ever met; and if that crime deserves nasty labels, then I really am at a loss to understand the system of values being applied here.
So, she smokes yama; she finds it a comfort, but actually it only hurts her more. If people who have been used and abused since childhood, and yet have retained a thoughtful, caring, selfless personality, then turn to drugs as a way of escaping from themselves, and damage themselves even more, shouldn't we sympathise with them rather than stigmatise them? So, I'm making excuses for her; maybe I do that too much and should apply a tougher kind of love, firmly but gently attempting to draw her away from her habit. True. But God knows, if YOU were ever unfortunate enough to find yourself in a life situation where you had been put through hell, and in a moment of weakness developed a habit that was stigmatised, or found that it was necessary for you do to something that would leave you open to stigmatisation, you too would hope that there would be a few people around who would make excuses for you, and wouldn't utterly condemn you, regard you with contempt, and attach derogatory epithets to you. Perhaps the people making excuses for you are not your best friends; they would be those who could help you to escape from your habit and the pain that had caused to it; but at least they are a lot fairer to you, and have a better understanding of you and your situation than the ones who take pleasure in kicking people who are down by attaching insulting and hurtful labels to them; that's the morality of the kindergarten, the jungle, or the mindless thug.
Honestly guys; she really doesn't deserve it. She's just a nice kid who's had some really lousy breaks. Attaching insulting labels to people surely goes hand in hand with blaming them in some way for "choosing" the behaviour they are involved in. I mean, when my girlfriend was 10 years old, and she had the option of staying with Gordon, who beat her if she didn't have sex with him, or telling her mother she wouldn't do something that was putting food in the mouths of her family, she really did make a moral choice, and career decision, did she?; "Oh, as a mature adult of 10, I think I will dispense with the accepted social norms and choose to be a prostitute; I do not care that this is regarded as incorrect behaviour; by wilfully breaking society's rules I will undoubtedly be stigmatised; but I accept that as the price I will pay for the wild and rebellious life I have wantonly chosen to live - I have mapped my course!" Yeah, like really guys, what a bad girl at 10 years old to decide she wanted to be a "hoe". Do you really believe that?
As for her behaviour now, it is less "hoe-like" than any SE-Asian girlfriend I've ever had - and she's more beautiful than the lot of them put together. God knows what she sees in me - maybe it's the kindness and understanding I've always shown her, maybe she likes having me around to make excuses for her, maybe she enjoys, for once in her life, being loved unconditionally. All I know is that I receive a never-ending stream of kindness and consideration, and that for the tiny amount of money I'm often able to provide her and her family with now, it's remarkable how much ends up being spent on me.
Mac; I'm not proud of living in "The Building" - it's more like hell than nirvana for sure, and I'm out of there as soon as I get the chance. Forced on me by circumstances I'm afraid; all I was doing was making the best of things by finding something positive about staying there; using it to add a bit of colour to myself; not so much the spice of the adventure yarn as the curdling blood of the horror movie. It just amazes me sometimes the bizarre turns my life takes; I would never have dreamt I could end up living in such a place. I'm not proud of it, but I'm glad to have experienced it. When I was a child I always wanted to live my life weirdly; not in the same way that others did. I was attracted by darkness, and by bright, dazzling beauty. My road has had much of both, and I hope the building is just another stage in that strange journey, and not the the final dimly-lit passageway to the bottomless pit. It certainly felt that way this morning with bats flying in my face as I negotiated my way around the nameless junk and rats nests littering the corridor. Anyway, no "ho" can be blamed for Iubit ending up there, be it good or bad, something to be proud of, or something to be ashamed of; and a certain sweet girl can't either. The blame or the praise lies all with Iubit, and the manic way he has conducted his life recently. Maybe I should grow up eh - but you see that's just what I never expected, or wanted to do... ...too boring eh?