The one liners thread
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- Requiescat In Pace
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A man telephones his manager at work in the morning. ‘Sorry, Boss, but I can’t come in to work today, I’m really sick.’
''What!'' yells the boss, ''That’s the fourth time this month! Just how sick are you?''
''I’m in bed with my sister.''
''What!'' yells the boss, ''That’s the fourth time this month! Just how sick are you?''
''I’m in bed with my sister.''
Twitter: Not my circus, not my monkeys - I sold #K440
Excellent!connecticuter wrote:Heres a treasure trove
THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
by AMBROSE BIERCE
http://xroads.virginia.edu/~Hyper/Bierc ... e.html#top
Thanks for that.
ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
EXPERIENCE, n. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
INSURANCE, n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
TELEPHONE, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
- vladimir
- Feminist Watch List
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It's more than 1 line, sorry:
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
ירי ילדים והפצצת אזרחים דורש אומץ, כמו גם הטרדה מינית של עובדי ההוראה.
Ken Svey is Jewish? Who would have thought...vladimir wrote:It's more than 1 line, sorry:
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
Only when he's excited.cambod wrote:Ken Svey is Jewish? Who would have thought...vladimir wrote:It's more than 1 line, sorry:
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
I refuse to go out with nothing more than a whimper followed by a small farting sound and a shit stain on my bed sheets..
Just thought I'd share that with you.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
If all Brides are beautiful where the fuck do ugly wife's come from.
I started life with nothing and I still got most of it left.
I started life with nothing and I still got most of it left.
- Captain Bonez
- Fluffy Bunny
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having sex with retarded midgets, its not big and its not clever.
rape is no laughing matter, unless youre raping a clown.
rape is no laughing matter, unless youre raping a clown.
My Marxist Feminist Dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.
Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
- the_purple_turtle
- 2000+ Posts! Aghh I Have No Mates
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statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape?Captain Bonez wrote:having sex with retarded midgets, its not big and its not clever.
rape is no laughing matter, unless youre raping a clown.
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- I live above an internet cafe
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore that standing in a garage makes you a car.
kampucheer
kampucheer
" A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
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- I've got internet at work
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Travelling salesman's car breaks down and he walks to a farmhouse where the owner says sure you can stay the night but you'll have to sleep in the barn with my two sons and the salesman says whoa hang on I think I'm in the wrong joke.
Apologies but it's a thread for one-liners.
Apologies but it's a thread for one-liners.
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