The one liners thread
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Just finished watching the British sitcom 'Outnumbered'. Line in the penultimate episode went like this. 9 year old girl wants to go to Catholic school because her friend attends ...
Mother: "But you don't believe in God."
Kid: "Well he kept annoying me."
Mother: "But you don't believe in God."
Kid: "Well he kept annoying me."
I came, I argued, I'm out
Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everybody can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
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- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
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BBC News: "U.S. sets goal to tame Alzheimers"
I bet everyone forgets about this in a week
and ....
I was recently diagnosed with kleptomania. But I am taking something for it.
I bet everyone forgets about this in a week
and ....
I was recently diagnosed with kleptomania. But I am taking something for it.
I came, I argued, I'm out
"If Everton were playing at the bottom of the garden, I'd pull the curtains." Bill Shankly
On awaiting Everton's arrival for a derby game at Anfield, Bill Shankly gave a box of toilet rolls to the doorman and said: "Give them these when they arrive – they'll need them!"
Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
"A lot of teams beat us, do a lap of honour and don't stop running. They live too long on one good result.
I remember Jimmy Adamson crowing after Burnley had beaten us once, that his players were in a different league. At the end of the season they were."
On awaiting Everton's arrival for a derby game at Anfield, Bill Shankly gave a box of toilet rolls to the doorman and said: "Give them these when they arrive – they'll need them!"
Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
"A lot of teams beat us, do a lap of honour and don't stop running. They live too long on one good result.
I remember Jimmy Adamson crowing after Burnley had beaten us once, that his players were in a different league. At the end of the season they were."
I love that one.mezmo wrote:Bob Paisley showed on more than one occasion that he was a very funny man. Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton - Derby County. Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
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- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
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- Posts: 22651
- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:31 pm
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Should a Transformer take out car insurance, or life insurance?
I came, I argued, I'm out
For football fans ...
Apparently Harry [Redknapp] is getting £3million in compensation after being sacked by Spurs. Which means that after tax he'll take home £3million
Apparently Harry [Redknapp] is getting £3million in compensation after being sacked by Spurs. Which means that after tax he'll take home £3million
Meum est propositum in taberna mori,
ut sint Guinness proxima morientis ori.
tunc cantabunt letius angelorum chori:
"Sit Deus propitius huic potatori."
ut sint Guinness proxima morientis ori.
tunc cantabunt letius angelorum chori:
"Sit Deus propitius huic potatori."
Sitting at a table in the pub I said, 'I love you.' She said that's the beer talking. I said no it isn't. It's me talking to the beer. Go get me another one.
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An expat in Bangkok had just taken on a bar girl as his new misses.Frustrated at not being able to find a clean shirt to wear one morning he asks her, "Why don't I have any clean shirts, Nok?"
"Baby. I'm a fucking machine, not a washing machine." was her reply.
"Baby. I'm a fucking machine, not a washing machine." was her reply.
" A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Some of Sid Waddell's
"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos.
"William Tell could take out an apple your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea."
"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer....Bristow's only 27."
"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"
"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."
"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank"
"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"
"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame".
"Keith Deller is like Long John Silver - he's badly in need of another leg."
"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete!”
"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."
"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline"
"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos.
"William Tell could take out an apple your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea."
"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer....Bristow's only 27."
"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"
"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."
"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank"
"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"
"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame".
"Keith Deller is like Long John Silver - he's badly in need of another leg."
"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete!”
"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."
"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline"
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