Kep
When the maelstrom that is city life gives you brain bubbles and you feel like rushing from your apartment screaming and pulling your hair out it?s worth jumping in a taxi and less than three hours later you can be a world away from the hectic, frothing madness of downtown Phnom Penh and sitting in a hammock; cold beer in hand, listening to the sounds of flapping butterfly wings rather than the rasping of cars horns. The coastal town of Kep should really have a large sign on the approach road saying ?Welcome to Kep: this is what peace and quiet feels like? because this faded former colonial resort is one of the most tranquil and laid back places in the whole of Cambodia.
Kep has clearly changed somewhat since I first visited as a na?ve innocent abroad over half a decade ago. Those were the days only the one Western guesthouse (run by an especially surly Frenchman) and a brace of Khmer owned places were operational. These days there are twice as many places to stay with plenty more land fenced off for planned future developments; by all accounts, property/land prices in Kep and Kampot are going up like oil futures.
The resort was built by the French in the early part of the 20th century and was then known as ?La Perle de la Cote d” Agathe? and served as a fashionable weekend retreat for wealthy colonials. After colonial times, Kep was a favourite of King Sihanouk who owned a nearby island where he would entertain overseas guests giving the island the nickname Isle des Ambassedeurs. The colonial villas were badly damaged by the Khmer Rouge and these days the town is dotted with the now ruined shells of formerly grand French villas lining an attractive road winding around the bay.
You won?t find any turquoise waters or powder beaches in Kep but nor will you find any sun cream smothered or bloated tourists strutting around in speedos. The thin strip of brownish sand simply isn?t the point of coming here. It?s all about the ambience; the feeling of ?getting away from it? that melts your veneers. It?s all about the warm welcome from the locals, plus, of course, the fabulous food. The sunsets in Kep are often spectacular although you?ll be hard pressed to find anywhere to fix you a decent cocktail to sip while the sun goes down.
Better by far to head down to the ever so slightly shabby crab market which sits on stilts next to the sea. Once installed, you can watch the locals jealously guarding their crab baskets and you can eat the best seafood in Cambodia. Plus if you speak a little Khmer the cooks will be more than happy to invite you into their kitchen and let you choose the particular fish you fancy eating. On my last visit I sampled the grilled grouper fish cooked in garlic and lime which I can recommend without hesitation. The crab and squid are equally safe bets.
None of this is graceful or subtle food but it will excite even the most leaden of tastebuds as the seafood dishes come shockingly fresh and are served butch with a big fisted feel. They also happen to be extremely well priced although it?s worth making a note of the fact that crab prices are seasonal and tend to rise by as much as 50% at times of high demand such as Khmer holidays when day tripping locals from Phnom Penh descend like flocks of gulls. One more handy hint if you have plans to bring a couple of kilos of whole crabs back to Phnom Penh would be get then steamed before popping them in the boot of your car. The little blighters will not survive the journey and bacteria could very well set in by the time you return to Phnom Penh and throw them in the pot.
The crab market also seems to be the focus of what little “nightlife” exists for the hour or two after the sun sets and before everybody packs up and goes to bed. Shortly after dusk a large TV will be wheeled out and a crowd of mainly small children will sit patiently and cross-legged waiting for an adult to fiddle around connecting the beast to a couple of car generators before showing the usual karaoke videos on VCD; there?s no wireless or cable connections here. Of course, it?s wise to be careful around the time of the rainy season when a monsoon can break at suppertime leading to a result of Crab Market Utd 0 ? Rain The Shitload 4
Much of the best value accommodation can be found up a hill (leading to a virgin forest) where years ago the surly Frenchman had the only accommodation. Now, there are four low rise complexes with ?Vannas? being my particular favourite (for its quietness and the amiability of its staff) although I hear that the nearby Veranda complex also has its devotees. Rooms at Vannas are in wooden or stone cabins and go for about $6-$10 per night. There?s no power in Kep so locals use generators to keep their buildings lit and their fans blowing after dusk but the power vanishes at the crack of dawn which isn?t all that bad if you are billeted up a hill brushed by the sea breeze.
Sadly, Vannas pulls in the weekend NGO crowd who drive out to Kep in their 4×4?s and then sit around the dining tables, with their flabby arms and fat asses, braying snottily and talking in the phoney, caricatured and stilted manner of TEFL language tapes.
Fortunately, this can all be avoided by taking a midweek trip.
It?s also worth remembering that Kep rises early and then retires to bed at an equally early time. On one occasion after an especially drink sodden evening in Kampot I returned to Vannas at the ungodly hour of 9pm and in my jolly, half cut state suggested that the staff might wish to cook me dinner. This they did, but I also sensed that my request left the cook feeling a touch crosseyed and on three occasions since in Phnom Penh, I?ve bumped into a bumptious German chap (for the sake of argument we?ll call him Wolfman Jackboots) who happened to be staying in Vannas that evening and who never tires of barking out loud and reminding me of what he turgidly views as my boisterous behaviour that night. Well, Kep for me is about remoteness and tolerance so next time this chewer of pig knuckles shoots his mouth off, I may have to remind him who won two World Wars – and by the way, his name isn?t really Wolfman Jackboots, it?s Herr Superdickhead.
In the daytime, Kep is nothing less than torpid and if you enjoy sitting listlessly in a hammock drinking beer then this option is very much available, especially on the main promenade where a number of sarong-clad aunties have set up raised platforms complete with mats and hammocks. For a small consideration they?ll be happy to shuttle back and forth fetching and carrying seafood and cold drinks for your pleasure. It?s best to watch out however for the young man named ?mateyboy?, Kep?s only motodop/ guesthouse tout, who may invite himself into your company and blabber irritatingly about his family?s guesthouse off the approach road from Kampot and near the sea, which just so happens to be the most feral and uncomfortable accommodation in town. Should the irksome ?mateyboy? appear and bore you senseless with his witless banter, you may want to pound his head in with a baseball bat but he?s really quite harmless although truly lacking in social skills.
For transport, a trip to Kampot on the rear of a local?s moto will set you back a dollar and little trips around Kep itself work out at about 500 riels a ride in the day and a perhaps 1000 riels a trip at night. There are few ?motodops? as such but most farmers will happily interrupt what they are doing if they are flagged down and can earn a dollar taking a tourist to Kampot.
Getting there and back is quite easy. For those without their own transport, taxis can be found at Psah Doem Kor (near the Intercontinental Hotel)in Phnom Penh and should make the journey in about 3 hours with $20 being the going rate for a whole cab. Alternatively, Minibuses to Kampot also travel from Phsar Doeum Kor and the price is 6000 riel per seat plus a dollar for the motodop ride to Kep.
Next Week: The Idiots Guide to Kampot