Study On The Affects Of Alcohol On WomenJune 23, 2005
A study by the anti-ngo Playboy Holdings Inc. finds that women who drink are far more fun to study.
Expert researchers say ‘Alcohol Affects Women’s Blood Pressure and Researchers Interest in them,’ Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
According to a new study on female alcohol use and blood pressure, young women who consume two or three alcoholic drinks a week are much more fun to do research on than women who do not consume alcohol.
The report also found that women who have a few drinks each week are less likely to develop high blood pressure, or whatever.
This report, not, published by The Ministry of Health, studied drinking patterns and blood pressure among 7,000 women between the ages of 18 and 25.
Dr. Keeping it Riel, who headed the study for Playboy Holdings Inc. put the findings in perspective. “Alcohol, 7,000 women, and us,” he said. “Is that cool or what?”
Dr. Riel and his colleagues – Dr. Playboy and Dr. Peaceman – conceded their initial grant was to study salt consumption. However, upon reflection, the trio decided that adjusting the research parameters would dramatically heighten their interest in doing the research.
Explained Dr Playboy: “What it came down to was, did we want to say, “Here young lady, have some salt and let us see what happens,” or, “Here young lady, have several drinks and let us see what happens.””
“We are scientists, but we are not dead,” he added.
In fact, Dr. Riel theorised there would be much more interest in studying women”s health issues if alcohol were involved. Reaction to his study seems to bear this out, as already, several leading NGOs and government departments were jostling for follow up work to attempt to verify the group’s findings.
At Sihanoukville University, leading epidemiologist Dr John said his department is very interested in testing Dr. Riel’s conclusion that women who have more than 10 alcoholic drinks a week increase their risk of developing high blood pressure by 30 percent. But more importantly, he added, his staff is ‘totally psyched’ by the concomitant finding that these same women were also, statistically speaking, a blast. A reaction that was mirrored by the team of Dr Clamantis of Battambang Brewery.
Dr. Riel, however, insisted their most valuable conclusion was that researchers could do variations on this type of study for years. “We could do how alcohol affects blood pressure among female flight attendants, or how alcohol affects blood pressure among female strippers. We are so golden.”
Dr. Playboy, meanwhile, said he is working on ‘the Holy Grail’ for this area of study ‘- a report on how drinking among young women affects drinking among young women. “We just have to figure out some statistically significant reason for doing it,” he said.
Playboy bristled, however, at the suggestion that researchers should also study the effect of alcohol on young men. “Jesus, we are not gay you know!” he slurred.
The views in this column are entirely those of Lord Playboy (of Phnom Penh, Sonteipheap and that muddy patch of ground next to the school;) they are in no way are representative of Khmer440, its editors or staff, of any Ministry of the Royal Government of Cambodia who employs Lord Playboy, nor those people who own more than one type of hairbrush, of a certain traffic cop now sporting a broken nose, of ex-pats can not even say ‘thank you’ in Khmer, or that nice American chap Gordon I met at the weekend. Damn, things will be different when I am running the Country.