The Phnom Penh Sex Tourist Pride Parade 2007
Sex tourists have been the subject of ridicule for too long. Today’s society presents us with an unfair picture of these men as huge, hairy-chested old codgers who for eleven months a year desperately masturbate until their hands cramp up, their arms become sore, and their penises are rubbed raw. They are said to be sexually frustrated men with erectile difficulties, total relationship meltdown back home, and a compulsion to live out their mid-life crises by making up for all the sex they couldn?t get as teenagers by exploiting impoverished Third World prostitutes. It’s time we put an end to these hurtful stereotypes.
We at Hathaway Gender Consultancy Ltd. have been contracted to help liberate sex tourists from shame. Sexual diversity is celebrated in today’s society. The recent Gay Pride Parade in Toronto, for example, has showcased the great progress we have made in gender mainstreaming. Now lesbians can march down the street, their genetically anomalous mammaries bared, and wave schoolbooks like ‘My Two Mommies’ aloft. For weeks before the event, liberal newspapers publish pictures of smiling gays in tender embraces, dressed like such ordinary middle-class guys that even the most sceptical reader thinks, ”Schucks, these queers are just like me after all!” We need an event like this to lift the stigma from sex tourism.
We’re currently seeking funding from international donor organisations, and soliciting donations from the brotherhood of sex tourists worldwide, for Phnom Penh’s first annual Sex Tourist Pride Parade. We hope to have ten thousand proud sex tourists marching up Norodom Blvd. with their heads held high, posing for photos for the international press, to celebrate the wonderful natural character of sex tourism. There will be cyclos available for those who might be too overweight to make the long walk from the Independence Monument to Wat Phnom.
Each participant will receive a free ‘Sex Tourist Pride’ T-shirt, and we’ll encourage everyone to go without any pants to proudly display the natural symbol of manhood. Beer stations will be set up along the entire route, and there will be a float driving the course, loaded with little brown girls with no clothes throwing promotional materials to the crowd. Lucky sex tourists will have the chance to grab anything from packages of viagra, to strawberry condoms, to vouchers for free STs at select establishments.
We are now seeking advertising contracts with a number of relevant companies. These include the drug companies that have made such progress in helping men manage erectile dysfunction, and also those that produce treatments for gonorrhoea, clamydia, syphilis, and genital warts. Beer companies, condom companies, and the makers of penis enhancement devices such as pumps have already signed up. Participants will also get a chance to meet representatives from sponsoring clinics in neighbouring Bangkok where sex tourists with short penises can get surgery to improve their punting styles.
We are also considering a series of public speakers to address the crowd at Wat Phnom. Top-notch academics will be flown in from as far away as Finland. They will give talks on such topics as ‘Does Everyone Love feltching?’, ‘How to be a Better Backdoor Man: Ten Easy Steps,’ and ‘Punting Styles: Which One Is Yours?’
This really will mark a milestone in the history of gender mainstreaming. But to make it happen, we need your help. Come! Let’s make the Phnom Penh Sex Tourist Pride Parade 2007 a reality! Send your donations today!