7 Reasons Why I Probably Shouldn’t Marry a Cambodian Woman

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If you have read my previous article, 7 Reasons Why I Should Probably Marry a Cambodian Woman, you may think that I am well on my way to donning a pair of purple M.C. Hammer pants and walking down the aisle with a young Cambodian bride. Not true. After further consideration, I have realized that there are seven equally compelling reasons why I should NOT marry a Cambodian woman. Here they are:

1. I have no idea where we would live.

When a Westerner marries a Cambodian woman, the couple has a very important initial decision to make. Should he move to Cambodia, or should she move to his country?

I don’t think I would be happy living in Cambodia. The type of work I do can’t easily be done in Cambodia. I’m too lazy to start a new career. So if I lived in Cambodia, I would essentially be semi-retired and living off savings. Without anything else to do, I’d undoubtedly become an alcoholic.

My wife, having never seen me work, wouldn’t respect me and would think I was making up stuff about once having a respectable job. Assuming that my wife is not working, we would spend a lot of time sitting in our Cambodian home staring at each other. That would get awkward. I would quickly start fabricating excuses to leave the house for no reason. She might then accuse me of having an affair, and I would have to say “No honey, I don’t have a girlfriend, I was just wandering the sweltering, filthy streets of Phnom Penh to get away from you for a few hours.” Not good.

Bringing my Cambodian wife to America would be an even worse idea. At least in Cambodia she would have friends, family, and a whole life outside of interacting with me. If I moved her to America, she would have none of these things. She’d end up sitting in my suburban house alone all day while I work. She’d have no one to interact with other than me. There’s no public transport near my house. Well, there’s probably a bus stop within walking distance, but no one rides the bus in America except creepy bus people.

I couldn’t foist her off on my family; my closest family lives 2,000 miles way. I’m an anti-social prick with few friends to introduce to her. My friends are mostly older, married professionals with wives in their mid-40’s. Their wives are not going to want to befriend my 22 year old, smoking hot Cambodian wife.

It would probably be difficult for a young Cambodian woman to get a driver’s license in the USA right away. The written driving tests require English proficiency, and Americans tend to frown on people who drive on the wrong side of the road for 100 meters before making a left turn.

So imagine my wife spending all day cooped up alone in my house, waiting patiently until I arrive home from work in the early evening. After work, I usually just like to eat dinner and sit around the house typing immature comments on internet discussion forums. But my stir crazy wife would undoubtedly want me to take her out of the house every evening to go to the beauty salon or buy tampons or whatever it is that women normally do when men are working. And what about weekends? I don’t want to spend my Sundays chauffeuring a woman on chick errands, when I could be doing something more productive, like watching twelve consecutive hours of NFL football.

2. I don’t want the stigma of marrying an Asian woman.

As I have previously mentioned, the stigma of being 40 years old and never married is quite bad. The stigma of being 40 and suddenly married to a 22 year old Southeast Asian woman could be worse. Sure, my co-workers would probably stop thinking “He must be gay.” Instead, they would think, “What a schmuck. And that poor, poor girl. I wonder what sick things he does to her at home.”

My Cambodian wife and I would be an obvious mixed race couple with a noticeable age difference. People in America might stare. Some Americans would see her brown skin and assume that I married my Mexican cleaning lady. Others might guess that I got my dark skinned Asian wife from the Philippines. That would be the worst. Only desperate losers marry women from the Philippines.

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