by Joon » Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:45 am
seidier wrote:Okay, let me try this again.
I used to date in a certain way. I looked down on other ways of dating. I came here...that changed. I became a totally different person in the process. But I liked it; it felt good somehow in a foreign but fitting sort of way. Now I'm single...sorta...and I feel caught in-between cultures. On the one hand I feel betrayed and traumatized by what I went through with the ex, and given the conservative norms here there's a strong possibility it could happen again if I keep persuing Khmer women. So I'm telling myself to give up on the khmers and go back to barangs, of which I could count on benefits like finding a partner who is economically self-sufficient and has an informed worldview. But it's been a long time since I've dated a barang - most of my social circle is Khmer now - and I feel like I've been irrevocably changed, somehow, after living in Cambodia for so long and playing husband to women whose primary relationship filter is material security, sexual-orientation-be-damned. Going back to barangs requires a different social skill set, different norms and priorities, different standards of attractiveness, lots of vacuous conversation and activity before it becomes okay to ask, "Is this going anywhere?" and I'm just...not feelin' it.
So irrespective of my gender, I would like to know if there is anyone frequenting this thread who went back to dating barangs again after being in a serious relationship with a local. Or is this a "Once you go Asian you can never go back" scenario.
It may be a completely different ground, but I was married to a Cambodian man. He's educated, handsome, sex-driven and we could have interesting intellectual discussions but at the core, our respective values and approaches to life were too different and his expectations about a wife were alienating.
So I decided to divorce. I went back to dating "Barangs" with no problem, but that's because my values, principles and desires about life and interactions with people hadn't been changed.
I actually got numbed by this relationship, as i was repressing a lot of my natural character and wants and didn't think about life. Crises with him jolted me out of this and I could do some serious introspection and understand who I really am.
I think you just need time for yourself, do a little bit of introspection about what your core values are, what you really want in life and what makes you happy.
[quote="seidier"]Okay, let me try this again.
I used to date in a certain way. I looked down on other ways of dating. I came here...that changed. I became a totally different person in the process. But I liked it; it felt good somehow in a foreign but fitting sort of way. Now I'm single...sorta...and I feel caught in-between cultures. On the one hand I feel betrayed and traumatized by what I went through with the ex, and given the conservative norms here there's a strong possibility it could happen again if I keep persuing Khmer women. So I'm telling myself to give up on the khmers and go back to barangs, of which I could count on benefits like finding a partner who is economically self-sufficient and has an informed worldview. But it's been a long time since I've dated a barang - most of my social circle is Khmer now - and I feel like I've been irrevocably changed, somehow, after living in Cambodia for so long and playing husband to women whose primary relationship filter is material security, sexual-orientation-be-damned. Going back to barangs requires a different social skill set, different norms and priorities, different standards of attractiveness, lots of vacuous conversation and activity before it becomes okay to ask, "Is this going anywhere?" and I'm just...not feelin' it. :?
So irrespective of my gender, I would like to know if there is anyone frequenting this thread who went back to dating barangs again after being in a serious relationship with a local. Or is this a "Once you go Asian you can never go back" scenario. :-D[/quote]
It may be a completely different ground, but I was married to a Cambodian man. He's educated, handsome, sex-driven and we could have interesting intellectual discussions but at the core, our respective values and approaches to life were too different and his expectations about a wife were alienating.
So I decided to divorce. I went back to dating "Barangs" with no problem, but that's because my values, principles and desires about life and interactions with people hadn't been changed.
I actually got numbed by this relationship, as i was repressing a lot of my natural character and wants and didn't think about life. Crises with him jolted me out of this and I could do some serious introspection and understand who I really am.
I think you just need time for yourself, do a little bit of introspection about what your core values are, what you really want in life and what makes you happy.