Is it rude to ask a Westerner how he met his Asian wife?
- hanky
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It's ridiculous, I mean how many of them are actually higher class, and how many are just peasants with a few years money? I'd suspect many are the latter. Look at the current leaders, many of them are from farming backgrounds and just got lucky in the last generation or so. I'm not trying to put anyone down, just wondering where they get off suddenly becoming such snobs when they're mainly from the same stock.
Who Gives a Fuck?
- LTO
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I've never heard anybody say that they felt it was rude to ask. And, if the intent is merely to make small talk, it doesn't seem rude to me. But personally, I've never asked any couple how they met, either same nationality couples or mixed. I don't find it an interesting question. I don't really care about the details of other people's relationships.gavinmac wrote:I hear that it's rude. I hear that they don't like it one bit.
That said, if, as has been suggested, there is any truth to the assumption that some significant percentage of western/SEA couples have met under less than savory circumstances and/or that she may have a past that she may not be particularly proud of, it would seem to me to be polite to leave the subject alone as it may be a potentially sensitive topic. I would prefer not to risk unnecessarily putting people in an uncomfortable situation, embarrass them or force them to lie for no better reason than making small talk. Surely there are safer subjects for shallow ice-breaking chit-chat.
OTOH if the intent of the question is to find out if they met in a bar or she's a former prostitute or whatever, the question is rude and the information none of your business - on par with asking a couple if she slept around much before getting together with her current partner. At least where I come from it is inappropriate to quiz a woman (or her husband) about her sexual history, especially as a subject of mere casual conversation.
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That's the same anywhere - chavs who win the lottery, you can't buy class etc etc. Difference here is the upper classes were wiped out and the pigs are running the farm.hanky wrote:It's ridiculous, I mean how many of them are actually higher class, and how many are just peasants with a few years money? I'd suspect many are the latter. Look at the current leaders, many of them are from farming backgrounds and just got lucky in the last generation or so. I'm not trying to put anyone down, just wondering where they get off suddenly becoming such snobs when they're mainly from the same stock.
I came, I argued, I'm out
Having known the khmers for some time I am convinced that is you give any khmer a villa and a lexie that they will behave just as badly as the nouvo riche.
As for chickens belief that most women are trafficked to australia-bullshit.
I think most know exactly what they are doing and were in the same business at home.
they enter on bodgie student visas.
As for chickens belief that most women are trafficked to australia-bullshit.
I think most know exactly what they are doing and were in the same business at home.
they enter on bodgie student visas.
- flying chicken
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My thought all along was the same to that of LTO -- excellent post btw.
While I am not disagreeing with Dr Suess observation, this phenomenon happens throughout most Asian countries, Japan and Hong Kong might be an exception. With that said, I think the Khmer mindset has drastically evolved over the years especially the males in their early 20s. I have seen two cases where both guys whom were from a wealthy and respectable background chose to marry a girl whom their parents seen as unfit and an embarrassment to the family's status; both forgone their comfortable life and left whatever was supposedly in place for them. And the end result they all live in a healthy marriage. In contrast, when I compared the arranged marriage, status matching and such they were destructive. Case in point, in the Khmer nouveau rich society where the parents used their children like a business transaction by forcing them as young as 18 into marrying a person whom they have not an ounce of feeling for for the sake of long term financial benefit, at best they are being suffocated and at worse they'll eventually turned out to be greedy, corrupted pigs like their parents are now.
While I am not disagreeing with Dr Suess observation, this phenomenon happens throughout most Asian countries, Japan and Hong Kong might be an exception. With that said, I think the Khmer mindset has drastically evolved over the years especially the males in their early 20s. I have seen two cases where both guys whom were from a wealthy and respectable background chose to marry a girl whom their parents seen as unfit and an embarrassment to the family's status; both forgone their comfortable life and left whatever was supposedly in place for them. And the end result they all live in a healthy marriage. In contrast, when I compared the arranged marriage, status matching and such they were destructive. Case in point, in the Khmer nouveau rich society where the parents used their children like a business transaction by forcing them as young as 18 into marrying a person whom they have not an ounce of feeling for for the sake of long term financial benefit, at best they are being suffocated and at worse they'll eventually turned out to be greedy, corrupted pigs like their parents are now.
Everyone bow down and pay extreme homage to his Majesty flying chicken.
I don't normally ask unless I'm friends with the couple.
I think there's actually a lot more reproduction of class in the current generation than we think.hanky wrote:It's ridiculous, I mean how many of them are actually higher class, and how many are just peasants with a few years money? I'd suspect many are the latter. Look at the current leaders, many of them are from farming backgrounds and just got lucky in the last generation or so. I'm not trying to put anyone down, just wondering where they get off suddenly becoming such snobs when they're mainly from the same stock.
People don't often make it from middle of nowhere rural towns into the universities. More likely they've come from provincial centres (partly because that's where all the upper secondary schools are), and had parents who valued long-term investment in education over making money more quickly by getting them to work from a younger age.
So everyone might be from 'the provinces', but from a wide range of backgrounds. The leaders aside...within the middle classes, people are not all from the same stock. The girl who 'looks like a factory worker' also looks like someone who has a lower level of formal education, whose speech and gait are seen as unsophisticated and so on. Doesn't make it much less lame, but I think the distinctions that people make are based on a lot more than just money.
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Much of what you say may be true. But, as a practical matter, it is better not to ask this question. You will hurt people's feelings just to attempt to satisfy your curiosity. And you will lose possible friends. Obviously, "up to you"gavinmac wrote:I hear that it's rude. I hear that they don't like it one bit.
Do they see it as just an indirect way of asking "So did you meet her in a bar?"
I think it's actually a reasonable and normal question to ask couples how they met, especially when they are from different backgrounds. If two Americans get married, they probably met at school, through friends, at work, etc. Boring. But if a guy I knew told me he was marrying an Icelandic princess, my first question would be "How the hell did you meet an Icelandic princess?"
It's the same when a Westerner marries an Asian woman. It's unusual, there's probably an interesting story. Plus, maybe I'll want to marry an Asian chick some day and I'd like to know where to meet them.
I don't think it's a bad question, and I'm not sure if all guys with Asian wives dislike the question or only those who met their wives in bars.
Well on this inflammatory subject pour on some gas
I think its rude to finger another man's wife, cos thats what you are doing really
go figure
and as JP said above its a good way to lose friends
I think its rude to finger another man's wife, cos thats what you are doing really
go figure
and as JP said above its a good way to lose friends
Last edited by titfer on Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just 'cos you're paranoid, doesn't make you wrong
- hanky
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Sure, you made some good points, I was a bit "under the weather" when I posted that.Willem wrote: So everyone might be from 'the provinces', but from a wide range of backgrounds. The leaders aside...within the middle classes, people are not all from the same stock. The girl who 'looks like a factory worker' also looks like someone who has a lower level of formal education, whose speech and gait are seen as unsophisticated and so on. Doesn't make it much less lame, but I think the distinctions that people make are based on a lot more than just money.
Who Gives a Fuck?
Women are like elephants, i like looking at them but i wouldnt want to own one.
We savvy guys keep our wags apart. A collection of thai gfs round a table is going to be trouble.
Topic number one "how much he give you" and its downhill all the way after.
They are such evil bitches to each other
Topic number two "plant the poison" - i saw you man in soi short time last week
Topic number three "i got more money than you so i am number one big lady" - her poor shmuck has been conned into buying land and building a house up country and a car for her and a motorcy for her brother (husband?).
BTDTGTTSTPI
We savvy guys keep our wags apart. A collection of thai gfs round a table is going to be trouble.
Topic number one "how much he give you" and its downhill all the way after.
They are such evil bitches to each other
Topic number two "plant the poison" - i saw you man in soi short time last week
Topic number three "i got more money than you so i am number one big lady" - her poor shmuck has been conned into buying land and building a house up country and a car for her and a motorcy for her brother (husband?).
BTDTGTTSTPI
Just 'cos you're paranoid, doesn't make you wrong
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for me.. it depends on who's asking and how they ask it. my former girlfriend was a "working girl" and would sometimes dress and act the part. so when a drunken trustafarian asked "where did you pick up this one?" i would kind of try to take it in stride.
and now, when i and my wife (and mother of my child, whom i met through family connections and has never "worked"), are asked. it is usually a sincere question, and a story that i am all too happy to share. but.... so not to be confused with jesus or gandhi, i never pass up the chance to get in the grill of some ignorant moto dop and school him in front of everyone around as to the correct way to address a lady.
and now, when i and my wife (and mother of my child, whom i met through family connections and has never "worked"), are asked. it is usually a sincere question, and a story that i am all too happy to share. but.... so not to be confused with jesus or gandhi, i never pass up the chance to get in the grill of some ignorant moto dop and school him in front of everyone around as to the correct way to address a lady.
Why, oh why, didn't I take the Blue pill?
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