Bad, bad situation. Advice Needed.
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Bad, bad situation. Advice Needed.
I'm making this post on behalf of a guy I know who has got himself into a fairly awful situation over here and and is looking the mother and father of all shitstorms in the eye. I've been trying to advise him, but figured it may not be such a bad idea to ask for a touch of 440 brainstorming too, particularly from the old hands here.
Basically, he has got himself onto an abusive relationship with a local woman (with him on the receiving end) and desperately wants out. He also wants to carry on living here, keep his job and not get acid doused or stabbed.
He's been living with a woman he originally met in a bar (no surprise there then) for approx 6 years and apparently it started out wonderfully and they had, as he says, 'four great years.'
However since then, things have gone steeply downhill. She's been gradually getting more and more controlling, paranoid and just odd and quitting to the chase, it's now got to the stage where she takes his entire salary off him every pay day and beats him up frequently. He's been putting up with this level of craziness and abuse for the last year or so and - thank fuck - has finally decided that he needs to get out. Put simply, her behavior has gone way beyond the dramarama exhibited by the usual piece-of-work ex bargirl GF and has become fully fledged mental illness.
Nor have things been helped by her gambling debts which most of his salary is now serving.
So finally he has decided to leave her and has a paid week off work which is fast approaching. He's managed to get his passport and document backs from her and plans to do a runner when he gets his next pay check and clear out of town for a week, lick his wounds and get some respite. However, after that he will need to return to work and ideally, he'd like to keep his job.
She knows exactly where he works - indeed it was her habit to lurk outside on pay day so she could grab his pay envelope within seconds of him receiving it - and he fully expects consequences. I don't think he's being overly dramatic when he suggests that she'll try and kill him. At the very least, she'll then be in a position to follow him to wherever he's moved and cause havoc there and at his workplace.
So guys, what should he do?
My suggestion is to hire a really nasty cop - and Falcon Randwick knows who I'm taking about here - to pay her a visit and warn her in no uncertain terms to stay away.
He seems to think that it's possible to get some kind of a legal injunction served on her but doesn't have a clue how to arrange it.
There is also the fact that she will no longer be able to service her local debts. I've already pointed out to him that this could work in his favor.
So....thinking hats on please....I realize this is a sketchy situation, but there must be a way through it for him.
Basically, he has got himself onto an abusive relationship with a local woman (with him on the receiving end) and desperately wants out. He also wants to carry on living here, keep his job and not get acid doused or stabbed.
He's been living with a woman he originally met in a bar (no surprise there then) for approx 6 years and apparently it started out wonderfully and they had, as he says, 'four great years.'
However since then, things have gone steeply downhill. She's been gradually getting more and more controlling, paranoid and just odd and quitting to the chase, it's now got to the stage where she takes his entire salary off him every pay day and beats him up frequently. He's been putting up with this level of craziness and abuse for the last year or so and - thank fuck - has finally decided that he needs to get out. Put simply, her behavior has gone way beyond the dramarama exhibited by the usual piece-of-work ex bargirl GF and has become fully fledged mental illness.
Nor have things been helped by her gambling debts which most of his salary is now serving.
So finally he has decided to leave her and has a paid week off work which is fast approaching. He's managed to get his passport and document backs from her and plans to do a runner when he gets his next pay check and clear out of town for a week, lick his wounds and get some respite. However, after that he will need to return to work and ideally, he'd like to keep his job.
She knows exactly where he works - indeed it was her habit to lurk outside on pay day so she could grab his pay envelope within seconds of him receiving it - and he fully expects consequences. I don't think he's being overly dramatic when he suggests that she'll try and kill him. At the very least, she'll then be in a position to follow him to wherever he's moved and cause havoc there and at his workplace.
So guys, what should he do?
My suggestion is to hire a really nasty cop - and Falcon Randwick knows who I'm taking about here - to pay her a visit and warn her in no uncertain terms to stay away.
He seems to think that it's possible to get some kind of a legal injunction served on her but doesn't have a clue how to arrange it.
There is also the fact that she will no longer be able to service her local debts. I've already pointed out to him that this could work in his favor.
So....thinking hats on please....I realize this is a sketchy situation, but there must be a way through it for him.
Twitter: Not my circus, not my monkeys - I sold #K440
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There is a guy in town who was in a similar situation a few years ago. What he did was this:
He told the woman he needed to fly back home (to the UK) to attend his dying mother. He kept her updated by email saying that the situation would be protracted. He made sure that the emails gradually became shorter and less frequent. In time she got the message and started looking for new men to date.
In fact he hadn't even left Phnom Penh. He got himself a gaff the other end of the city. He also (and here's where your mate needs to do this) changed his job. He had to avoid the old drinking holes too. It worked well; he got on with his life and didn't run into the woman until about 2 years later, at which point she'd moved on.
He told the woman he needed to fly back home (to the UK) to attend his dying mother. He kept her updated by email saying that the situation would be protracted. He made sure that the emails gradually became shorter and less frequent. In time she got the message and started looking for new men to date.
In fact he hadn't even left Phnom Penh. He got himself a gaff the other end of the city. He also (and here's where your mate needs to do this) changed his job. He had to avoid the old drinking holes too. It worked well; he got on with his life and didn't run into the woman until about 2 years later, at which point she'd moved on.
I came, I argued, I'm out
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Nice idea but it wouldn't work for a couple of reasons.andyinasia wrote:There is a guy in town who was in a similar situation a few years ago. What he did was this:
He told the woman he needed to fly back home (to the UK) to attend his dying mother. He kept her updated by email saying that the situation would be protracted. He made sure that the emails gradually became shorter and less frequent. In time she got the message and started looking for new men to date.
In fact he hadn't even left Phnom Penh. He got himself a gaff the other end of the city. He also (and here's where your mate needs to do this) changed his job. He had to avoid the old drinking holes too. It worked well; he got on with his life and didn't run into the woman until about 2 years later, at which point she'd moved on.
1) She has his parent's phone numbers.
2) He has a job he really enjoys doing here in PP and would hate to lose it.
I forgot to mention that a year or so ago, he tried leaving her and got a very well-paid NGO gig in a country not so far from Cambodia. He carried on sending her all his cash for a while and then cut her off when he found out she was gambling and squandering it. She then, by using google, found out the phone numbers of all his colleagues in the office and also his boss and hounded them and his parents until he became so embarrassed that he quit and returned to Cambodia.
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Sorry no advice here, not qualified to anyway. But will touch on the gambling part.
An addicted gambler will go to the extreme to whatever it takes. Secondly she is in debt, if she owes a loan shark they probably lent her because she said or they know that her spouse has a job stable job...and to some Khmer eyes a white skin foreigner with a job means wealthy. Either way, ripping off her head will not get them back their money. You may resort to getting a macho connected dude, possibly might work, but what about the money owed to the loan shark. These 2 should be carefully contemplate before seeking an escape.
An addicted gambler will go to the extreme to whatever it takes. Secondly she is in debt, if she owes a loan shark they probably lent her because she said or they know that her spouse has a job stable job...and to some Khmer eyes a white skin foreigner with a job means wealthy. Either way, ripping off her head will not get them back their money. You may resort to getting a macho connected dude, possibly might work, but what about the money owed to the loan shark. These 2 should be carefully contemplate before seeking an escape.
Everyone bow down and pay extreme homage to his Majesty flying chicken.
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Thanks for the input. The debt she racked up gambling is not my friend's responsibility, especially as they aren't married. After he escapes, she's on her own with that problem.flying chicken wrote:Sorry no advice here, not qualified to anyway. But will touch on the gambling part.
An addicted gambler will go to the extreme to whatever it takes. Secondly she is in debt, if she owes a loan shark they probably lent her because she said or they know that her spouse has a job stable job...and to some Khmer eyes a white skin foreigner with a job means wealthy. Either way, ripping off her head will not get them back their money. You may resort to getting a macho connected dude, possibly might work, but what about the money owed to the loan shark. These 2 should be carefully contemplate before seeking an escape.
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Denounce her online and in calls to all family persons she has contact details for.
Dump her and record the entire exchange by dictaphone. Make said exchange available online to friends and family members and send it to legal reps. Make other party aware (later) that what she said is now public record.
Hire some fat and vaguely menacing MP's to scare her.
Failing all of the above maybe he could pretend to be about to perform cunnilingus on her and blow like hell into her vagina.causing a fatal embolism
Dump her and record the entire exchange by dictaphone. Make said exchange available online to friends and family members and send it to legal reps. Make other party aware (later) that what she said is now public record.
Hire some fat and vaguely menacing MP's to scare her.
Failing all of the above maybe he could pretend to be about to perform cunnilingus on her and blow like hell into her vagina.causing a fatal embolism
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my advice? leave the country and give it all up as a bad job. I know what Im talkin about!
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Yep, I reckon she might need a quiet word in her shell-like from Cambodia's own Dinsdale Piranha. He's cruel, but fair...keeping_it_riel wrote:My suggestion is to hire a really nasty cop - and Falcon Randwick knows who I'm taking about here - to pay her a visit and warn her in no uncertain terms to stay away.
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this guys name doesnt start with a K by any chance does it?
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He needs to save face i.e. acid attack or similar. Get out of town , wave the white flag and give up its not worth the stress.
Getting someone to "convince" her to back off may not work especially if she is a nutter.....revenge is a very powerful motivator for a lunatic.
Her behaviour as depicted would be enough to send me packing regardless of how assertive/aggressive I may be.
Getting someone to "convince" her to back off may not work especially if she is a nutter.....revenge is a very powerful motivator for a lunatic.
Her behaviour as depicted would be enough to send me packing regardless of how assertive/aggressive I may be.
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My advice would be to learn from your mistakes and get the hell out of Cambo. Even if there is the slightest chance she could hire some goon for an Acid job or Stabbing, it's not worth taking.
Spending over 6 years in a relationship with a hooker is asking for trouble, and for being so stupid he deserves self banishment from the country.
Spending over 6 years in a relationship with a hooker is asking for trouble, and for being so stupid he deserves self banishment from the country.
I was in a similar situation although my wife was Thai and we were in the US.
There was no stopping her even after we separated.
She had a new boyfriend but would always come fuck with me whenever she needed money, which was a couple of times a month.
She was violent and broke my front teeth out with repeated blows with beer bottles.
It got worse, with her pulling knives, threatening to fuck up my face with gasoline fire or boiling water.
I couldn't kick her ass because that is not allowed here in the States.
She came here one night and poured gasoline over the back porch and tried to burn my house to the ground.
I tackled her and called the cops.
The cops arrested us both because I knocked her down.
She was forced by the courts to attend anger management.
That only made her more angry.
I loved her and I felt sorry for her but she was on a kamikaze lifestyle.
Her boyfriend bought her an eight ball of meth for her birthday, she smoked it all and died two days later from a brain aneurysm.
It just won't end until someone dies or he runs far away.
My nightmare lasted 5 years.
This is no joke.
I think I can relate to how he feels.
Please advise your friend to leave, get a new life, or this will end up very badly.
been there done that
My first post, but I thought I needed to say something.
There was no stopping her even after we separated.
She had a new boyfriend but would always come fuck with me whenever she needed money, which was a couple of times a month.
She was violent and broke my front teeth out with repeated blows with beer bottles.
It got worse, with her pulling knives, threatening to fuck up my face with gasoline fire or boiling water.
I couldn't kick her ass because that is not allowed here in the States.
She came here one night and poured gasoline over the back porch and tried to burn my house to the ground.
I tackled her and called the cops.
The cops arrested us both because I knocked her down.
She was forced by the courts to attend anger management.
That only made her more angry.
I loved her and I felt sorry for her but she was on a kamikaze lifestyle.
Her boyfriend bought her an eight ball of meth for her birthday, she smoked it all and died two days later from a brain aneurysm.
It just won't end until someone dies or he runs far away.
My nightmare lasted 5 years.
This is no joke.
I think I can relate to how he feels.
Please advise your friend to leave, get a new life, or this will end up very badly.
been there done that
My first post, but I thought I needed to say something.
I decided to stand up to her.
I had a house almost paid for and my whole life revolved around it.
I wasn't going to let her push me out.
This ended 11 years ago and I am still convinced that if she had not died, I would be dead or disfigured.
That is really crazy thinking. I have a great life now and that shit was not worth dieing for.
Maybe the guy could stay and try to wiggle his way out somehow.
The violence is easy to predict. The level of violence gets worse and worse.
When it reaches the point of death threats, it's probably a good time to consider other options.
I found myself sleeping for months with a baseball bat, a meat cleaver, a flashlight, a gun and a fire extinguisher.
Not a nice way to get a good nights sleep.
I had a house almost paid for and my whole life revolved around it.
I wasn't going to let her push me out.
This ended 11 years ago and I am still convinced that if she had not died, I would be dead or disfigured.
That is really crazy thinking. I have a great life now and that shit was not worth dieing for.
Maybe the guy could stay and try to wiggle his way out somehow.
The violence is easy to predict. The level of violence gets worse and worse.
When it reaches the point of death threats, it's probably a good time to consider other options.
I found myself sleeping for months with a baseball bat, a meat cleaver, a flashlight, a gun and a fire extinguisher.
Not a nice way to get a good nights sleep.
From Experience:
By all means get the heavy cop to give her a visit, but IMO KiR tell your friend to get the hell out of Cambodia ASAP. This is not an option its a Must.
I have helped four foreigners in similar situations in Cambodia over the years.
Hope he listens to you.
By all means get the heavy cop to give her a visit, but IMO KiR tell your friend to get the hell out of Cambodia ASAP. This is not an option its a Must.
I have helped four foreigners in similar situations in Cambodia over the years.
Hope he listens to you.
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