Trouble with Khmer girlfriend
Trouble with Khmer girlfriend
I have been a lurker on these boards for a bit (been in Cambo for about 6 mos)and would like some advice on my current situation. I recently discovered that my live-in girlfriend (not a current or former sex worker BTW) has been lying to me about attending school in the evenings. As our relationship progressed and I grew to care for her more and more, I decided to pay for her tuition and books for the accounting course at Vanda University (around $450 per year, according to her). So, I gave her $200 for tuition for six months last month only to find out that she has been lying to me on a daily basis by sending the money to her family and pretending to go to class every evening.
She claims it was because her mother in Battambang was sick and she couldn’t bear the thought of her mother suffering. I asked her why she just didn’t ask me for help. She replied that she thought that I would get angry if she asked me because, according to her, “The foreigner want to take care of girlfriend only, don’t like to care for family of girlfriend”. I guess this is anecdotal evidence based on friends and family members’ experiences since she claims to have only had one boyfriend in her life (also a Khmer).
Now, I can appreciate that she wants to do whatever she can to help her mother, and I would have gladly helped if she had asked me. What I can’t abide though, is the deception and lies. I was quite angry about the whole thing and packed her stuff up and told her that she needed to go back to her sister’s house for a few days so that I could think things over. Once I did that, she threatened to kill herself and grabbed a bunch of my pills (I take pain meds for a chronic condition) and shoved them into her mouth. After I extricated the pills from her hands and mouth, she just started wailing and asking me to kill her because she “can’t live without me” and that she has lost face with her family because she has been living with me, that she has no family etc. She then started apologizing over and over for lying and begging me not to leave her. She stated that if I left her she would kill herself and then asked me “Do you want to see me die?”. At one point she ran to the kitchen and tried to grab a knife (presumably to cut her wrists). Since I did not want to drag her out of the apartment kicking and screaming at 10pm, I agreed to let her stay for the night (last night).
I am leaning toward breaking it off because no matter how sweet and nice she was over the course of our relationship, she was lying to me every day, which sucks. And the whole suicide card is a big turn-off. Therefore, I am really at a loss for what to do next, as: 1) I don’t know how serious she is about carrying out her threat to kill herself if I break it off; 2) She was in most other respects a pretty ideal girlfriend, very sweet and affectionate and seemed to really care about me and I her; and 3) it does not seem to be the easiest thing to find a girlfriend in Cambodia (who is not a current or former hooker) that is willing to live and sleep with you without being married (I could be wrong about that; as I said I am fairly new here).
Now, I do genuinely care for her, but I don't know if I can let the deception go. She asked me if I could forgive her, to which I replied that I could and would, but I told her that I didn't know if I wanted to be with someone who would lie to me on a daily basis like that.
What are your opinions on the matter? I appreciate your feedback, but please refrain from excessive sarcasm/cruelty or labeling me as troll or an idiot. Thanks.
She claims it was because her mother in Battambang was sick and she couldn’t bear the thought of her mother suffering. I asked her why she just didn’t ask me for help. She replied that she thought that I would get angry if she asked me because, according to her, “The foreigner want to take care of girlfriend only, don’t like to care for family of girlfriend”. I guess this is anecdotal evidence based on friends and family members’ experiences since she claims to have only had one boyfriend in her life (also a Khmer).
Now, I can appreciate that she wants to do whatever she can to help her mother, and I would have gladly helped if she had asked me. What I can’t abide though, is the deception and lies. I was quite angry about the whole thing and packed her stuff up and told her that she needed to go back to her sister’s house for a few days so that I could think things over. Once I did that, she threatened to kill herself and grabbed a bunch of my pills (I take pain meds for a chronic condition) and shoved them into her mouth. After I extricated the pills from her hands and mouth, she just started wailing and asking me to kill her because she “can’t live without me” and that she has lost face with her family because she has been living with me, that she has no family etc. She then started apologizing over and over for lying and begging me not to leave her. She stated that if I left her she would kill herself and then asked me “Do you want to see me die?”. At one point she ran to the kitchen and tried to grab a knife (presumably to cut her wrists). Since I did not want to drag her out of the apartment kicking and screaming at 10pm, I agreed to let her stay for the night (last night).
I am leaning toward breaking it off because no matter how sweet and nice she was over the course of our relationship, she was lying to me every day, which sucks. And the whole suicide card is a big turn-off. Therefore, I am really at a loss for what to do next, as: 1) I don’t know how serious she is about carrying out her threat to kill herself if I break it off; 2) She was in most other respects a pretty ideal girlfriend, very sweet and affectionate and seemed to really care about me and I her; and 3) it does not seem to be the easiest thing to find a girlfriend in Cambodia (who is not a current or former hooker) that is willing to live and sleep with you without being married (I could be wrong about that; as I said I am fairly new here).
Now, I do genuinely care for her, but I don't know if I can let the deception go. She asked me if I could forgive her, to which I replied that I could and would, but I told her that I didn't know if I wanted to be with someone who would lie to me on a daily basis like that.
What are your opinions on the matter? I appreciate your feedback, but please refrain from excessive sarcasm/cruelty or labeling me as troll or an idiot. Thanks.
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She sounds like a sensible, rational, well-adjusted pathological liar. Certainly the type of girl any sane man would want to get into a long-term relationship with. I think you should look past her duplicitous character and mental instability and ask her to marry you.
No longer working at the S.D Holiday Hotel...
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Welcome to K440. Excellent first post.
A few questions. How did you find out she was lying about attending school, where does she now claim she has been going every night, and where do you think she has really been going every night when she's supposed to be at school?
Her claim that she only lied to you to get money to help her sick mom is intended to make her look like a saint and is just not believable. Don't focus on the money here, it's a relative pittance. The main issue is that she has probably been out running around with another dude behind your back while claiming to be at school.
There are much easier ways to get a mere $200 to help a sick mom from your foreign boyfriend than pretending to go to class every night for six fucking months. Sorry, it just doesn't add up. She has been running around doing something bad every night while pretending to be at class.
In the extremely unlikely event that she has just been going and innocently sitting alone on the riverside promenade every night while pretending to be in class, you still can't stay with her due to the lying and batshit crazy suicide stuff.
A few questions. How did you find out she was lying about attending school, where does she now claim she has been going every night, and where do you think she has really been going every night when she's supposed to be at school?
Her claim that she only lied to you to get money to help her sick mom is intended to make her look like a saint and is just not believable. Don't focus on the money here, it's a relative pittance. The main issue is that she has probably been out running around with another dude behind your back while claiming to be at school.
There are much easier ways to get a mere $200 to help a sick mom from your foreign boyfriend than pretending to go to class every night for six fucking months. Sorry, it just doesn't add up. She has been running around doing something bad every night while pretending to be at class.
In the extremely unlikely event that she has just been going and innocently sitting alone on the riverside promenade every night while pretending to be in class, you still can't stay with her due to the lying and batshit crazy suicide stuff.
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Why not? Because she told you so? Was that before or after she went to "English class"?not a current or former sex worker BTW
Run, don't walk, away from her. She will under no circumstances commit suicide, some Asian women love to be melodramatic, but she will continue lying to you; of that I am certain.
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keep calm and walk slowly away while keeping an eye out for any flying objects and never return.
getting the pop corn on as we speak
getting the pop corn on as we speak
k440, something to do when you're pissed.
^ I'm with this guy.BURLESQUE@SDHHOTEL wrote:She sounds like a sensible, rational, well-adjusted pathological liar. Certainly the type of girl any sane man would want to get into a long-term relationship with. I think you should look past her duplicitous character and mental instability and ask her to marry you.
She deserves a man who has to ask these questions.
And go visit your sick mother-in-law.
Agreed, been run over by a few seemingly good women myself thru time, and not only here, one time giving off too much control of a business led to complete public humiliation and slander, that follows me to this day. Women, especially the good looking ones, are many times expert liars for money. Careful out there.
Last edited by teamone on Wed Nov 06, 2013 1:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Long termers know I have history here. I could give a long drawn-out response here but i this case I dont think it's necessary. I wouldnt jump to GM's conclusion that a secret lover is involved, although there's a high chance there is. The deal-breaker for me is the suicide blackmail. That crosses a line; it is very nasty and if it works now she's got you by the curlies forever. In short, her reasons for deceiving you may be credible but her response is unacceptable. She's got to go and you have to organise a scenario where she doesnt get the opportunity for another dramatic gesture - that's the tricky part.
I came, I argued, I'm out
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Good luck with that...BirdBrain wrote:Life is too short. Move on now. Don't make the mistake that I did and have two beautiful children with a lying, conniving bitch. After 8 years with me being the financial provider (of her and family including building family home) and helping her through everything . Migration and further study and getting her into employment . Once she started making good money I guess she saw me as a financial burden and left. Then (and this is the affecting one) broke our arrangements about sharing child custody and has just disappeared off the radar with the children.
If I could turn back time I would do all things differently but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I now have to battle through the family court system that will take months or even a year or so to settle and until then I have no rights to even locate my children.
Find a woman that isn't a using, lying bitch. They do exist, surely.
Conspiracy theory...the new rock n' roll.
I became suspicious when I noticed that she never had any textbooks. I had previously bought her a Samsung galaxy phone so yesterday I installed lookout mobile, which allows you to locate the phone via GPS. So, last night when she was supposed to be in class, I checked the location of the phone and instead of Vanda, it was located at her sisters place. Then, I sent a text (to confirm that she had not merely forgotten the phone at her sister's place) asking if she was busy in class when when she would get a break. She incriminated herself and when I confronted her when she got home she 'fessed up.gavinmac wrote:Welcome to K440. Excellent first post.
A few questions. How did you find out she was lying about attending school, where does she now claim she has been going every night, and where do you think she has really been going every night when she's supposed to be at school?
Her claim that she only lied to you to get money to help her sick mom is intended to make her look like a saint and is just not believable. Don't focus on the money here, it's a relative pittance. The main issue is that she has probably been out running around with another dude behind your back while claiming to be at school.
There are much easier ways to get a mere $200 to help a sick mom from your foreign boyfriend than pretending to go to class every night for six fucking months. Sorry, it just doesn't add up. She has been running around doing something bad every night while pretending to be at class.
In the extremely unlikely event that she has just been going and innocently sitting alone on the riverside promenade every night while pretending to be in class, you still can't stay with her due to the lying and batshit crazy suicide stuff.
Her sister and best friend live nearby and that is where I think she was going every night. I really don't think she has a guy on the side (although anything is possible).
Amen. Lying about a sick mom and going to classes...meh..... But ^that shit is crazy!andyinasia wrote:... The deal-breaker for me is the suicide blackmail. That crosses a line; ...
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