Would I have to invite my family to my wedding in Cambodia?
-
- Making Khmer girls cry since 2003
- Reactions: 130
- Posts: 21358
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2003 10:15 pm
Would I have to invite my family to my wedding in Cambodia?
Let's say I got married in Cambodia.
Would it be socially acceptable not to invite my family?
My parents are in their mid 70's and live 10,000 miles away. Who knows how old they will be when I finally get married. I have brothers and a sister; I'm not all that close to them.
I'm not sure I would want to invite my family to Cambodia. Mainly because, like George Costanza, I don't want my worlds to collide.
Is it acceptable to get married in Cambodia and not invite your family, or is this the sort of thing that would horribly offend the average Western family. I mean, I would tell them I was getting married, but then say "Oh, it's too far, it's too expensive, it's not a big deal, you don't have to come." Then leave it at that. Oh, and by the way, there would be no later repeat ceremony, reception, etc. in America. Screw that.
Even if my immediate family didn't hold a grudge, would my Cambodian wife and in laws think I was a total nutcase if I had no family members of my family at the wedding, or would the line "Oh, it's too far, they're old, they're busy" work okay?
Would it be socially acceptable not to invite my family?
My parents are in their mid 70's and live 10,000 miles away. Who knows how old they will be when I finally get married. I have brothers and a sister; I'm not all that close to them.
I'm not sure I would want to invite my family to Cambodia. Mainly because, like George Costanza, I don't want my worlds to collide.
Is it acceptable to get married in Cambodia and not invite your family, or is this the sort of thing that would horribly offend the average Western family. I mean, I would tell them I was getting married, but then say "Oh, it's too far, it's too expensive, it's not a big deal, you don't have to come." Then leave it at that. Oh, and by the way, there would be no later repeat ceremony, reception, etc. in America. Screw that.
Even if my immediate family didn't hold a grudge, would my Cambodian wife and in laws think I was a total nutcase if I had no family members of my family at the wedding, or would the line "Oh, it's too far, they're old, they're busy" work okay?
Follow my lame Twitter feed: @gavin_mac
-
- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
- Reactions: 2
- Posts: 22651
- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:31 pm
- Location: Space, maaaan
I found myself in a similar situation when I got married here. I really rathered they didn't come but I felt obliged to send invitations - and I THOUGHT I did that. My mum is old and doesn't do 'poor countries', and sisters piss poor on benefits so I assumed it was a no-brainer. So I got married - sure the Khmer side thought it odd but no problems - although a Khmer wife and family will never get their heads round the notion that we just don't have the same kind of close relationship with our families as they do. It was this summer, 5 years later when I was visiting my family that my sister let slip that she was hurt I hadn't invited her. I also learned that my mother has this resentful perception that I care about my Khmer family more than I do my own. I have no idea where she gets that idea from - is it because they're here, they show me affection and didn't screw me up as a child? Dunno. But I think its a universal rule with weddings that whatever you do, someone in the family is going to get offended.
I came, I argued, I'm out
-
- My Only Friend is my Computer
- Reactions: 3
- Posts: 756
- Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:16 pm
- Location: Middle seat, economy class, colicky baby section
If you must, you can delay the Cambodian wedding invites until the very last minute and hope they can't be bothered making complicated arrangements on short notice.
Or invite your relatives to the civil ceremony in one of those chapels on the Vegas strip. I'm guessing your family is not from there, so it should be exotic enough for them. Throw in a singing Elvis and an all you can eat casino buffet afterwards, add a few coupons and gambling tokens and everyone walks a winner.
Or invite your relatives to the civil ceremony in one of those chapels on the Vegas strip. I'm guessing your family is not from there, so it should be exotic enough for them. Throw in a singing Elvis and an all you can eat casino buffet afterwards, add a few coupons and gambling tokens and everyone walks a winner.
That's like, your opinion, man.
If you brought your family to the wedding they would probably be shocked at the events unfolding around them. They will think you're insane.
It would also be harder to hide from them the fact that she used to open her legs for a living.
It would also be harder to hide from them the fact that she used to open her legs for a living.
- Bitteeinbit
- Wibble Wibble ?!?
- Reactions: 1
- Posts: 1990
- Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2009 1:14 pm
I know this thread is partly in jest, but only Gavin can answer whether or not his family will find it ok or not. We don;t know your family. If you're on your 4th marriage or something they might skip it but if it's your first and they finally take this as a sign that you're not gay, then they might want to come, regardless of the price. My question is this: if you get married wouldn't you bring your wife back to the US? If you do then I don't think it would be a big deal. Get married, then come back and introduce the wife to family back home and hopefully they just assume that she's really good at connect four because it's Cambodia's national pastime.
As for the khmers I don't think it's a big deal. You can always pull the "it's very expensive to go over to Cambodia, my mother is old etc" line pretty easily. They might be slightly disappointed but no big deal I would think.
As for the khmers I don't think it's a big deal. You can always pull the "it's very expensive to go over to Cambodia, my mother is old etc" line pretty easily. They might be slightly disappointed but no big deal I would think.
I think you underestimated your actions. A friend of mine got married about two years ago and wanted it low-key. He didn't send any invitations of sorts. Only a handful. Then another friend was quite hurt because he always thought they were close (which they are). When me and another guy carefully approached him after the wedding to inform him that his buddy was upset he hadn't been invited, the guy who got married was totally surprised. He said "Of course you should have come, no need for an invitation!". He actually thought it was implied that close friends are invited and thus didn't bother sending invitations. We politely told him that's not how it works, especially if the wedding is semi-shotgun (longtime bf/gf but not a long engagement). It's the invitation itself which is appreciated. Then the ball is in their court and they can decide to attend or politely decline, but at least your conscience is clear that you invited them, and they feel appreciated enough to have gotten an invitation.andyinasia wrote:It was this summer, 5 years later when I was visiting my family that my sister let slip that she was hurt I hadn't invited her. I also learned that my mother has this resentful perception that I care about my Khmer family more than I do my own. I have no idea where she gets that idea from - is it because they're here, they show me affection and didn't screw me up as a child?
I didn't bother to tell my family. What's the point.
-
- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
- Reactions: 2
- Posts: 22651
- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:31 pm
- Location: Space, maaaan
Bitteeinbit wrote:I think you underestimated your actions. A friend of mine got married about two years ago and wanted it low-key. He didn't send any invitations of sorts. Only a handful. Then another friend was quite hurt because he always thought they were close (which they are). When me and another guy carefully approached him after the wedding to inform him that his buddy was upset he hadn't been invited, the guy who got married was totally surprised. He said "Of course you should have come, no need for an invitation!". He actually thought it was implied that close friends are invited and thus didn't bother sending invitations. We politely told him that's not how it works, especially if the wedding is semi-shotgun (longtime bf/gf but not a long engagement). It's the invitation itself which is appreciated. Then the ball is in their court and they can decide to attend or politely decline, but at least your conscience is clear that you invited them, and they feel appreciated enough to have gotten an invitation.andyinasia wrote:It was this summer, 5 years later when I was visiting my family that my sister let slip that she was hurt I hadn't invited her. I also learned that my mother has this resentful perception that I care about my Khmer family more than I do my own. I have no idea where she gets that idea from - is it because they're here, they show me affection and didn't screw me up as a child?
I know I know - for me sometimes life gets far too complicated and it goes right over my head, especially when its all about people's feelings and shit. I figured that it was my third marriage, they hadn't come to my second and it was in England, they shown no interest in my adventures in Asia over the previous 5 years and my sister was on her 20th fiance (she gets married or ducks out at the last second every couple of years - she must have a dozen wedding dresses in her wardrobe) so they wouldn't be bothered. Hey, we're hiding out here in Cambodia BECAUSE our family do our nuts in, aren't we?
I came, I argued, I'm out
-
- My Only Friend is my Computer
- Reactions: 3
- Posts: 756
- Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:16 pm
- Location: Middle seat, economy class, colicky baby section
Just because your hypothetical future bride is a prostitute does not mean that everyone else's hypothetical future bride is the same.Bradshaw wrote: It would also be harder to hide from them the fact that she used to open her legs for a living.
That's like, your opinion, man.
- giblet
- Bark plop plop bark woof woof
- Reactions: 0
- Posts: 1589
- Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2010 3:06 pm
- Location: Siem Reap
I have a friend who is having two weddings, one, a traditional Korean wedding in Korea for the groom's family and the other back home for her family. So perhaps you could do it that way. Do the Khmer one first and schedule the one back home for a year later, that way you have some time to see if the whole thing falls apart before getting your family involved.
-
- Making Khmer girls cry since 2003
- Reactions: 130
- Posts: 21358
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2003 10:15 pm
No, I've been very clear on this. There will be one wedding ceremony, maximum. That is a deal breaker.
Follow my lame Twitter feed: @gavin_mac
Did you have a traditional Khmer wedding? Who stood in for your parents for the ceremonial parts that a parent is needed?andyinasia wrote:I found myself in a similar situation when I got married here. I really rathered they didn't come but I felt obliged to send invitations - and I THOUGHT I did that. My mum is old and doesn't do 'poor countries', and sisters piss poor on benefits so I assumed it was a no-brainer. So I got married - sure the Khmer side thought it odd but no problems - although a Khmer wife and family will never get their heads round the notion that we just don't have the same kind of close relationship with our families as they do. It was this summer, 5 years later when I was visiting my family that my sister let slip that she was hurt I hadn't invited her. I also learned that my mother has this resentful perception that I care about my Khmer family more than I do my own. I have no idea where she gets that idea from - is it because they're here, they show me affection and didn't screw me up as a child? Dunno. But I think its a universal rule with weddings that whatever you do, someone in the family is going to get offended.
I invited all my family, and many friends knowing damn well that most couldn't make it. My Dad came, my Mum and her 2nd husband. My sister and her boyfriend, and my step sister. My brother, grand mothers, uncles etc couldn't make it here. For our NZ wedding, an old family friend acted as my wives father and 'gave her away'. I reckon people here are flexible enough to do something similar. At my engagement a married couple from work stood in for my parents.
That said, I'm just recalling when I dropped by her parents house to discuss the possibility of marriage, my mother in law to be asked why my parents hadn't come to discuss it. "Um, they couldn't make it, they are a bit busy at work 6000 kms away today."
Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men.
-
- 20,000 Posts; I need professional help !
- Reactions: 2
- Posts: 22651
- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:31 pm
- Location: Space, maaaan
Yes, I had a fully traditional wedding. An older married couple of neighbours, long-term friends of my father-in-law stood in as my proxy parents for the day. This is very common at Cambodian weddings; a fortnight ago one of our sisters got married just a few months after father died, so she had an uncle as a stand-in father for the ceremony (led to a lot of tears of course, but that's another story).MoodyMac wrote: Did you have a traditional Khmer wedding? Who stood in for your parents for the ceremonial parts that a parent is needed?
I came, I argued, I'm out
I reckon this solution is the best if parents can't, won't or aren't invited to come. My wife felt like she gained new family when she had her NZ dad give her away. And likewise when Khmer family and friends were involved in wedding here, I felt like I was gaining new extended family.andyinasia wrote:Yes, I had a fully traditional wedding. An older married couple of neighbours, long-term friends of my father-in-law stood in as my proxy parents for the day. This is very common at Cambodian weddings; a fortnight ago one of our sisters got married just a few months after father died, so she had an uncle as a stand-in father for the ceremony (led to a lot of tears of course, but that's another story).MoodyMac wrote: Did you have a traditional Khmer wedding? Who stood in for your parents for the ceremonial parts that a parent is needed?
Do you want another couple of parents to add to your port folio GMac?
Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men.
Hey gav-arent you putting the cart before the horse here.
Or have you found the perfect woman already?
If i invited my family i would seat them next to the generator for the ultimate khmer wedding experience.
Or have you found the perfect woman already?
If i invited my family i would seat them next to the generator for the ultimate khmer wedding experience.
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
- 12 Replies
- 2759 Views
-
Last post by Jokovic
Fri May 22, 2020 1:49 pm
-
-
Advice for wedding (costs,tradition etc.)
by Joemethod » Wed Mar 20, 2024 8:45 am » in Cambodia Speakeasy - 6 Replies
- 573 Views
-
Last post by PSD_Kiwi
Thu Mar 21, 2024 1:12 pm
-
-
-
Car plows into Siem Reap wedding video
by Bong Burgundy » Sun Aug 06, 2023 6:02 pm » in Cambodia News - 10 Replies
- 1486 Views
-
Last post by Mathew.
Tue Aug 08, 2023 6:36 am
-
-
- 0 Replies
- 1701 Views
-
Last post by kungfufighter
Thu Oct 17, 2019 8:57 am