Presents for girlfriend's family?
Presents for girlfriend's family?
I was in Cambodia in March 2015 to see Angkor Wat and other tourist things, all of which were amazing.
What I didn't expect was to meet a woman. But it happened that a person who asked me if I needed help when I was looking at a map in the city of Kratie ended up being a person I ended up going out on a couple of dates with while I was there.
We've kept in touch and I plan to go back to Cambodia in November 2015. I'm supposed to meet her family while I'm there.
Any suggestions on what gifts to bring for everyone? She’s in her late 20s. In her family are her parents, one older brother and two younger sisters. There will probably be aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends as well.
I have extensive experience in Asia, so I'm generally ok on etiquette (though suggestions are of course always welcome.)
I'm well aware of scammers and know how to deal with them (I haven't sent her any money—nor has she asked for any, or even hinted. She’s university educated.). So that is something I've considered and am prepared to deal with, though I'm quite sure she's genuine. I’ve traveled extensively and know how to travel safely. I have also dealt with tons of scammers (not women scamming men—rather things like fake merchandise vendors, tours that were not what they were billed as, bait and switch taxis, “government holidays” in Bangkok, etc.), so I’m relatively savvy on that front and don’t need any “don’t be a sucker” type commentary. I won’t let myself get played. I know the tricks. But I wouldn't object if someone chimed in with serious, common-sense cautionary tales in this area.
If the relationship works out, we could live in the USA, where I'm from. But my work also allows me to do things online. So living in Cambodia is not out of the question. I like it there (though traveling somewhere and living there are hugely, majorly different things of course).
But first things first. What presents should I bring?
What I didn't expect was to meet a woman. But it happened that a person who asked me if I needed help when I was looking at a map in the city of Kratie ended up being a person I ended up going out on a couple of dates with while I was there.
We've kept in touch and I plan to go back to Cambodia in November 2015. I'm supposed to meet her family while I'm there.
Any suggestions on what gifts to bring for everyone? She’s in her late 20s. In her family are her parents, one older brother and two younger sisters. There will probably be aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends as well.
I have extensive experience in Asia, so I'm generally ok on etiquette (though suggestions are of course always welcome.)
I'm well aware of scammers and know how to deal with them (I haven't sent her any money—nor has she asked for any, or even hinted. She’s university educated.). So that is something I've considered and am prepared to deal with, though I'm quite sure she's genuine. I’ve traveled extensively and know how to travel safely. I have also dealt with tons of scammers (not women scamming men—rather things like fake merchandise vendors, tours that were not what they were billed as, bait and switch taxis, “government holidays” in Bangkok, etc.), so I’m relatively savvy on that front and don’t need any “don’t be a sucker” type commentary. I won’t let myself get played. I know the tricks. But I wouldn't object if someone chimed in with serious, common-sense cautionary tales in this area.
If the relationship works out, we could live in the USA, where I'm from. But my work also allows me to do things online. So living in Cambodia is not out of the question. I like it there (though traveling somewhere and living there are hugely, majorly different things of course).
But first things first. What presents should I bring?
Cologne, perfume, the guys like flashlights, pocket knives, or just cash
Buy the parents a house, the brother a new moto, the latest smart phone for the girlfriend, and knock-off perfume for the younger sisters.
But seriously, I wouldn't suggest giving gifts, because the receivers then feel obligated to reciprocate, and if they're not a wealthy family then that puts them in an awkward position. Plus, as you mentioned, the whole extended family will no doubt be there and you can't be expected to get something for every individual, and you'll no doubt miss people out.
Just pay for the food and beers when you meet the family, because it will no doubt turn into a "hey everyone, come meet the barang that my daughter is going to marry" neighborhood party. Relatives and friends from far and wide will have heard that you are coming days before you even know when you are meeting the family and will show up en-masse...it will start off quietly with a little food, a few beers, more food, more beers and possibly whiskey, then loud music, dancing and possibly karaoke if you're lucky.
Best of luck.
But seriously, I wouldn't suggest giving gifts, because the receivers then feel obligated to reciprocate, and if they're not a wealthy family then that puts them in an awkward position. Plus, as you mentioned, the whole extended family will no doubt be there and you can't be expected to get something for every individual, and you'll no doubt miss people out.
Just pay for the food and beers when you meet the family, because it will no doubt turn into a "hey everyone, come meet the barang that my daughter is going to marry" neighborhood party. Relatives and friends from far and wide will have heard that you are coming days before you even know when you are meeting the family and will show up en-masse...it will start off quietly with a little food, a few beers, more food, more beers and possibly whiskey, then loud music, dancing and possibly karaoke if you're lucky.
Best of luck.
I'm not a negative person, I encourage people all the time...it's usually to f**k off! But, whatever.
- Lucky Lucan
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Agreed. Maybe bring some stuff that isn't available outside of where you're from, whether that is handicrafts, beef jerky or some type of whisky, chocolate etc.PSD_Kiwi wrote: But seriously, I wouldn't suggest giving gifts...
Romantic Cambodia is dead and gone. It's with McKinley in the grave.
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- MerkinMaker
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Agreed, be Khmer about it. Only bring stuff that can be shared with everyone. If you want to arrive with a bang then turn up with a Khmer party pack - a shit load of fruit (bonus points for expensive western fruit like grapes and oranges), a couple of cases of canned soft drink, a couple of cases of beer, a bottle of black label (hide that until later), a roast piglet and a couple of roast ducks and twenty baguettes bought that that day from Phnom Penh.
Periodically give the kids a few thousand riel to run to the shop to buy sweets and when it's time to leave go around to any old ladies in the family of grandmother age, get down low enough so your head is lower than theirs and hand then hand them 20,000r with both hands (important) then give them a "jum reap leyer" with both hands pressed together at eye height, she will do it back then likely hold the outside of your hands. She might chant a prayer, if she does, stay in that position until she's done then move your hands while pressed together up and down three times.
Trust me, you will go down in village folk law and make your girlfriend very happy for gaining merit for her family.
Other tips: don't hug anyone or try any Euro kisses or any shit like that. Also when anyone comes and talks with you, even if you can't understand a word they are saying just keep nodding and smiling, don't run away looking for your girlfriend or act uncomfortable, they know you can't understand them and will only be saying nice things, you're not missing out on some kind of critical information.
Also your girlfriend will likely start acting weird and being a bit over the top in making sure you're comfortable as may some of the women in the family, this is just them showing everybody how accommodating they are, don't do the Anglo thing and try refusing it or getting hot under the collar and saying sternly "I'm fine", just sit back and appreciate the attention.
Periodically give the kids a few thousand riel to run to the shop to buy sweets and when it's time to leave go around to any old ladies in the family of grandmother age, get down low enough so your head is lower than theirs and hand then hand them 20,000r with both hands (important) then give them a "jum reap leyer" with both hands pressed together at eye height, she will do it back then likely hold the outside of your hands. She might chant a prayer, if she does, stay in that position until she's done then move your hands while pressed together up and down three times.
Trust me, you will go down in village folk law and make your girlfriend very happy for gaining merit for her family.
Other tips: don't hug anyone or try any Euro kisses or any shit like that. Also when anyone comes and talks with you, even if you can't understand a word they are saying just keep nodding and smiling, don't run away looking for your girlfriend or act uncomfortable, they know you can't understand them and will only be saying nice things, you're not missing out on some kind of critical information.
Also your girlfriend will likely start acting weird and being a bit over the top in making sure you're comfortable as may some of the women in the family, this is just them showing everybody how accommodating they are, don't do the Anglo thing and try refusing it or getting hot under the collar and saying sternly "I'm fine", just sit back and appreciate the attention.
This is all excellent advice.
Go with the flow, ignore the possible usual naysayers, good luck and keep us posted.
Go with the flow, ignore the possible usual naysayers, good luck and keep us posted.
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Yes, some good advice indeed.logos wrote:This is all excellent advice.
Go with the flow, ignore the possible usual naysayers, good luck and keep us posted.
Also, have a look at this thread (The bride price in Cambodia). The discussion runs off topic for much of the thread, but there are some valuable insights buried within. Just don't be shocked if the subject of some sort of a dowry is brought up. That's not sure to happen, but you did give the impression that it's a close-knit family and that says to me that they are probably also traditional. Seriously, don't freak out, nobody is "selling" anyone, and there are many ways to look at it and even more ways to deal with it.
This is all if you're considering marriage, of course. You being the center of a huge family gathering will probably give that impression.
That's like, your opinion, man.
Thanks everyone. Really useful and informative comments. I really appreciate it.
Thanks Walter White for the link to the Bride Price discussion. Exactly as you said, if you can wade through the off-topic stuff (the majority of it), there is some real, useful information there.
A common suggestion for a present is alcohol, usually whiskey. I was always leery of that. Who knows, someone in the family could be a current/recovering alcoholic, or there may be other issues in the family surrounding alcohol. But I've somehow managed to visit the families of all the exchange students my aunt and uncle have had over the years--from South Korea, Japan, China, Viet Nam, and Thailand--and the bottle of whiskey has not only never been a problem, but has been a huge hit every time. I just don't get it. I still don't feel right coming over with a bottle of booze (other than wine), but I have to admit I was wrong in being leery of it in all the cases I mentioned above. So I guess I'll reluctantly think about bringing along the old Black Label this time, too. Any thoughts?
Fruit is a great idea. I'll try to find the best I can get at or around the bus station in Kratie when I get there (wish I could bring some from home--something like Rainier cherries would be cool, but would be unfortunately axed by customs, I'm sure). Beef jerky or something like that could be good, too.
Maybe I'll leave the gifts at that.
Picking up the tab for all gatherings is a good suggestion, too, and I'll definitely do it.
Thanks again everyone.
Thanks Walter White for the link to the Bride Price discussion. Exactly as you said, if you can wade through the off-topic stuff (the majority of it), there is some real, useful information there.
A common suggestion for a present is alcohol, usually whiskey. I was always leery of that. Who knows, someone in the family could be a current/recovering alcoholic, or there may be other issues in the family surrounding alcohol. But I've somehow managed to visit the families of all the exchange students my aunt and uncle have had over the years--from South Korea, Japan, China, Viet Nam, and Thailand--and the bottle of whiskey has not only never been a problem, but has been a huge hit every time. I just don't get it. I still don't feel right coming over with a bottle of booze (other than wine), but I have to admit I was wrong in being leery of it in all the cases I mentioned above. So I guess I'll reluctantly think about bringing along the old Black Label this time, too. Any thoughts?
Fruit is a great idea. I'll try to find the best I can get at or around the bus station in Kratie when I get there (wish I could bring some from home--something like Rainier cherries would be cool, but would be unfortunately axed by customs, I'm sure). Beef jerky or something like that could be good, too.
Maybe I'll leave the gifts at that.
Picking up the tab for all gatherings is a good suggestion, too, and I'll definitely do it.
Thanks again everyone.
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- MerkinMaker
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Get the fruit and bread in Phnom Penh, it will be much better than what's available in Kratie, also don't take local fruit like bananas and mango's they'll have those coming out of their ears. Get oranges, apples and grapes or more expensive local fruit like durian.
- Hanno
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Most Khmer men are binge drinkers and there are certainly no recovering alcoholics in Cambodia as that sort of diagnosis does not exist.
Don't worry about customs. I fly into Cambodia at least 20 times a year, been doing it for six years, not once was I asked to open a suitcase.
Don't worry about customs. I fly into Cambodia at least 20 times a year, been doing it for six years, not once was I asked to open a suitcase.
"I realized that If I had to choose, I would rather have birds than airplanes."
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go slow; if u show up with lots of gifts, they will expect the amount to grow on each visit an the LAST thing you want show them is ur rich ( even if u are)
Forget anything they can buy, find something unique to your country and even if they dont like it, the fact of a gift is enough
photos of ur home /family back where ur from.
Forget anything they can buy, find something unique to your country and even if they dont like it, the fact of a gift is enough
photos of ur home /family back where ur from.
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Does that also apply to perfume for his girl? Should he expect she gives that away?starkmonster wrote:Agreed, be Khmer about it. Only bring stuff that can be shared with everyone.
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Not to stereotype much, but I guess we're all kind of doing that anyways, but whiskey is an important gift throughout Asia. Even in homes of non whiskey drinkers, you will find whiskey for guests. It's a great gift that transcends socio-economic classes (albeit the black label should be upgraded to blue the higher up the ladder you go), can be shared for the enjoyment of all, or put on display in the house as a status symbol.Brendan T wrote:A common suggestion for a present is alcohol, usually whiskey. I was always leery of that. Who knows, someone in the family could be a current/recovering alcoholic, or there may be other issues in the family surrounding alcohol. But I've somehow managed to visit the families of all the exchange students my aunt and uncle have had over the years--from South Korea, Japan, China, Viet Nam, and Thailand--and the bottle of whiskey has not only never been a problem, but has been a huge hit every time. I just don't get it. I still don't feel right coming over with a bottle of booze (other than wine), but I have to admit I was wrong in being leery of it in all the cases I mentioned above. So I guess I'll reluctantly think about bringing along the old Black Label this time, too. Any thoughts?
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