Hi all. I tried to look for a thread to share jokes and didn't find one, so here are a few to start:
Three little boys walked into a convenience store. They picked up a Playboy from the magazine rack. They flipped to a page with a beautiful woman fully dressed. On the next page was the same woman wearing nothing but bra and panties. On the next page was the woman naked. One of the boys took one look and ran from the store. His friends caught up with him the next day. "Tommy", one asked, "Why did you run away?" "Because", he said, "My mommy told me never to look at obscene pictures of women or I would turn to stone and I felt it start!"
A little boy and girl heard strange noises coming from their parents bedroom. They went down the hall and the girl peeked through the crack. She turned away, then looked back. She said to her brother: "And mommy hollers at me for sucking my thumb!"
A hunter was in the woods with his trusty rifle looking to bag a deer. He saw a huge grizzly bear and thought, "Wouldn't that head look great on my living room wall!" So he sighted on the bea'rs chest and pulled the trigger. He went to where the bear had been and couldn't find it anywhere, then felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and the bear looked at him and said: "I am tired of all you hunters trying to kill me! Get down on your knees and give me a blow job or I will rip your face off!" The hunter had no choice so he did what he had to do and left the woods.
He went right to a sporting goods store and bought a bigger rifle. He went back to the woods, searched, and finally found the bear. He centered in on the bear's chest and pulled the trigger. He went to where the bear had been and couldn't find it. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and the bear said: "OK buddy, you know the routine!" The hunter did what he must and left the woods.
He went right to the sporting goods store and bought an elephant gun with a scope. He went to the woods, searched most of the day, and finally found the bear. He put the bear's chest in the cross-hairs, took a deep breath, and squeezed the trigger, BOOM! He went to where he had seen the bear and couldn't find him anywhere. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned, the bear looked at him and said: " Say buddy, you ain't here for the hunting are you?"
Jokes for Sharing
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Jokes for Sharing
Last edited by Johnsell50 on Sat Jan 26, 2019 6:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
"A day without learning is a day lost!"
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logos wrote:Did you lift those from Reader's digest ?
Plenty of room here for more/better...
PS Reader's Digest wouldn't have printed any of those.
"A day without learning is a day lost!"
The hunter in the woods... that made me LOL. seriously. excellent, will definitely share that one.
If that didn't give you, at least a chuckle, Logos, then I doubt you have a funny bone in you.
If that didn't give you, at least a chuckle, Logos, then I doubt you have a funny bone in you.
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Good idea to share jokes as they say sharing is caring, expect of course if you have HIV.
My posts are just jokes, maybe they're rude, offensive, and politically incorrect. They're not my opinion, viewpoint, idea, or judgement, but they're just fucking jokes so lighten up.
- Hanno
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I thought that was funny too.Jep wrote:The hunter in the woods... that made me LOL. seriously. excellent, will definitely share that one.
If that didn't give you, at least a chuckle, Logos, then I doubt you have a funny bone in you.
"I realized that If I had to choose, I would rather have birds than airplanes."
Charles Lindbergh
Charles Lindbergh
The bear joke was too long, and killed it somewhat.
I don't see where Logos found the jokes unfunny, he merely asked if they were from Reader's Digest.
Anyway,
Johnny gets home from school and his mother tells him the principal had rang her earlier to say Johnny had used the 'C' word in class. That wasn't clever, was it Johnny? she asks, to which he replies, No mum, it was 'cunt'.
I don't see where Logos found the jokes unfunny, he merely asked if they were from Reader's Digest.
Anyway,
Johnny gets home from school and his mother tells him the principal had rang her earlier to say Johnny had used the 'C' word in class. That wasn't clever, was it Johnny? she asks, to which he replies, No mum, it was 'cunt'.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" - KiR
Jep, was your silly post deleted by admin or did you play the coward, yet again, and delete it like you normally do after a few minutes?
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" - KiR
Yes. I cant delete my posts anymore, Unable to delete posts.kinard wrote: silly post deleted by admin
I saw that post before you deleted it, Violet.
I love you too....im not joking.
I love you too....im not joking.
Geezer visits the Kremlin while in Moscow, up the steps he goes and knocks on the door. The door swings open and he asks, "is Len in?"
Ok, it that sounds Tommy Cooperesque, then here's a few of his Dr jokes.
"Dr, Dr, I've broken my leg in 3 places.
Dr says, well don't go to those places"
"Dr, Dr, I've got a piece of lettuce up my nose.
Dr has a look and says, that's just the tip of the iceberg."
Ok, it that sounds Tommy Cooperesque, then here's a few of his Dr jokes.
"Dr, Dr, I've broken my leg in 3 places.
Dr says, well don't go to those places"
"Dr, Dr, I've got a piece of lettuce up my nose.
Dr has a look and says, that's just the tip of the iceberg."
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" - KiR
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Little Tommy's class came back from vacation and the teacher was having them get up and tell the other students what they did that summer. She was hoping she could get by without calling on him because he had such a foul mouth but she ran out of students before she ran out of time. "OK Tommy" she said, "What did you do this summer?" Well" he said, "Me and my daddy went rabbit huntin' and I shot one dead in his ass!" No Tommy'" said the teacher, "It's rectum" "Damn right it wrecked 'im, he said "Killed 'im daid!"
"A day without learning is a day lost!"
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My Aids test was positive. That's good, right???Garry Crabtree wrote:Good idea to share jokes as they say sharing is caring, expect of course if you have HIV.
"A day without learning is a day lost!"